"What's Mitch doing tonight?" Lauren asked sounding almost confused while looking on her phone. I was in Texas celebrating my mom's birthday for the weekend before coming back on Sunday for Mitch's birthday.
"He's having a small pre-birthday party with some of his friends who can't necessarily come to the one on Monday." I told her before looking at her concerned, "why?" I asked and she bit her lip.
"I don't think you should look at his story." She said with an unreadable tone. I immediately picked up my phone and went to Instagram.
What could she possibly be talking about? I clicked on his story and at first thought nothing of it. There were some videos of Candice and Nicole. "What's so bad about these? I don't understand." I said and clicked through to a picture of Mitch and Justin just looking at each other with a caption that read "look at my heart eyes for @jkthreethousand."
I rolled my eyes, "Lauren that stuff doesn't bother me. I'm not the type to get jealous about-" my voice was caught off by a video that started to play on my phone.
"DO IT DO IT DO IT!" I heard chanting and I saw Mitch laugh loudly in the way he only does when he's drunk. He laughed before straddling Jonathan and starting to make out with him nastily. Before I could even react it cut to another video this time Mitch was recording it.
He was dancing with Jonathan pressed up against him and I could see his arm wrapped around Mitch waist. The stories moved to Jonathan's and the kissing video played again before another one played. There were a few dancing videos before one played where they were back at Mitch and I's house.
I think they were laying on Mitch's bed and Mitch was laying his head on Jonathan's chest playing on his phone. Jonathan smiled and kissed the top of his head a few times making Mitch giggle.
I quickly locked my phone before anymore could play. I stared blankly at the black screen. I felt nauseous and my chest physically hurt.
He's just super drunk right now, right? It's doesn't mean anything. I kept trying to tell myself that when my parents walked back in with big smiles on their faces and some kind of bottle in their hands. I barely even noticed them because I couldn't will myself to look up from the black screen.
"Let's continue the party shall we!? I can't believe we still have this! We bought it when Landon was born but we never drank it." My mother spoke enthusiastically which made me feel even worse.
"Scottie?" I heard my sister say gently and I snapped my head at her.
"Umm I..." I got up of the barstool I was sitting at and wiped a tear I had no idea had fallen. "I'm gonna... I need air." I stuttered before almost stumbling to the back door.
I was hoping that when I opened the door there would be a rush of cool air to clear my head but there wasn't. It was July and I was in Texas. I took my shirt off and my shoes but gave up taking off my jeans before walking to the edge of the pool.
I dove in feeling a rush of water hug my body. My jeans felt heavy like they were weighing me down which I felt completely fit given my current situation. My heart felt heavy. The lump in my throat keeping me from crying felt heavy. My mind felt heavy.
I rose to the surface and took a deep breath before wiping my face. I leaned back letting myself float in the cool water. I tried not to think, I really did but I couldn't just stop thinking about it. It was consuming my thoughts.
