Double just cus I love you guys❤️
Saturday 11/20/13
He kept calling me almost every night but I never picked up and I never texted him back. He knew I was alive though because my magazine came out last week and I tweeted about it. I also have been putting things on my story hoping that he would see them and finally realize that I was ignoring him on purpose.
He left again without fucking saying goodbye. I want going to let anything slide this time just because I was so in love with him and I so desperately wanted everything to be okay.
The last time he texted me was about two days ago. I'm not going to lie, I was scared that he gave up. I was scared he wouldn't talk to me ever again and that we were over. I knew it would be my fault if that happened but I just couldn't bring myself to answer his calls.
I drove back home from the grocery store and walked through the door humming some Arianna Grande song. I put the bags on the counter and started to put things away when I heard a voice startling me. "Do you need help?"
I jumped and spun around completely surprised to see him. "You- Scott? What are you doing here?" I asked and he looked so heartbroken. Tears filled his eyes as he looked at me.
"What did I do wrong, Mitchie? You aren't even running into my arms. You've been ignoring me for weeks. God, what did I do?" He asked letting a tear slide down his cheek as he walked closer to me.
I looked down and felt my own eyes water. "Y-you left and you didn't say goodbye. You fucking left me the first time without saying goodbye and then now you did it again. I mean at least you had the decency to leave a note this time. God, do I even fucking matter to you? I hadn't seen you in almost a year and you fucking chose to go to Italy! I understand that it's always been your dream to go there and that it's a once in a life time thing but I hadn't seen you in a year! I would never choose to go to Ice Land over seeing you even if we had seen each other only a few weeks before."
I wiped the tears that had escaped and continued, "you don't care about me enough. You care more about every other fucking thing-"
He cut me off looking at me with wide eyes, "Are you being serious right now!? I don't care about you? Mitch I call you every fucking day! I've visited you every other leave I had! Do I regret going to Italy instead of visiting you, of course. But don't fucking tell me I don't care about you because that couldn't be farther from the truth."
I sighed shaking my head, "I'm sorry I just... you're never here and it's fucking with my head. Just like it was with you a few weeks ago. How long are you here for?" I asked and he relaxed his shoulders a bit.
"I have to leave on Monday to get back without anyone noticing. One of my buddies are covering for me." He said and I nodded. I took one look at him before I ran into his arms. I buried my face in his chest and breathed in his comforting scent.
He hesitantly wrapped his arms around me before kissing my on the top of my head. "I hate fighting with you, can we promise not to fight anymore while you're here?" I murmured against his chest.
"Of course baby." He said squeezing me tightly, "I love you so much."
----
I wish I could say we kept that promise. The next night we were cuddling in my bed when I sensed the nervousness and uneasiness in the room. I looked up at him from my spot on his chest.
"You okay baby?" I asked and he nodded but stayed silent, that's when I knew he was lying. I sat up and turned where I was facing him.
"What's wrong baby?" I asked placing my hand on his inner thighs and rubbing it gently.
"Nothing I just... My contract is almost over... And I want to resign." He said and I felt my heart ache again. I stopped rubbing his inner thigh and put it in my lap. I looked down at my lap at my fingers as I processed the information.
"Baby, you know that I love you and I want to spend more time with you but this is what I love to do and I want to keep doing it." He said explaining himself but I could hardly hear him my heart was pounding in my ears.
Tears welled in my eyes and I got up off the bed turning to face away from him. "Excuse me." I whispered with a weak voice as I went into the bathroom.
"Mitchie..." he called after me but I shut the door behind me. I leaned my head against the wall and covered my with my hand. I let some tears fall before I grabbed a few tissues to wipe the tears away.
When I returned Scott sat in the same place yet this time he was sitting criss-crossed staring at his hands in his lap. He looked up when he saw me enter the room. I took a deep breath and as soon as I tried to speak the tears came back and my throats closed up.
"I-if you resign it's another fours years yeah?" I asked and he nodded sadly, "and you might want resign after those four years as well yeah?"
"Maybe, I don't know where I'll be in four years." He said truthfully and I nodded biting my lip to keep from letting out a sob.
I let a few tears fall and I didn't bother wiping them. I looked into Scott's eyes and uttered words I never wanted to in my life. "I-if you do this, if you resign... than we're over."
His eyes widened and his skin went pale. "Mitch... no... I.... please..." tears spilled over his eyes and he got up off the bed rushing over to me.
I stepped back from him when he tried to touch me. I bit my lip and shook my head tears running freely down my cheeks now, "Scott I can't do it anymore. I can't live like this. I need to move on and so do you."
He looked at me with wide eyes, "Move on!? No I don't want to fucking move on! I want to be with you! I love you Mitch. More than anything in the world!" He exclaimed and I shook my head.
"Obviously not! You care about 'fighting for your country' more than me! You may love me with all your heart but none of that counts when I can never see you or feel you in my arms. What am I supposed to do just wait around for you to decide you want to actually spend your life with me!? I'm not gonna fucking do that! I deserve better than that! I could do it for the last four years but I can't do this for the rest of my life. I need someone who's there for me always, who is actually there with me." Scott stared at me with tears running freely down his cheeks too.
"So what? It's just over then? We're over?" He asked his voice cracking on almost every word.
I looked down, "if you choose to resign then yes it's over. It's either me or the army." I said and he looked at me with pleading eyes.
"Please don't make me choose Mitchie. That's not fair." He pleaded but I didn't back down. I could make myself go through this again.
"It's not fair to me for you to leave me again and expect me to wait for you." I said and his lip quivered. He started to shake with sobs as he slid down to the floor.
"I already resigned Mitch." He whispered and my heart broke, all hope that maybe this time he would choose to be with me disappeared. Of course he already resigned.
I sank down to the ground across from him as sobs overtook my body as well. He crawled over and wrapped his arms around me. We held each other tightly as we sobbed both heartbroken.
