Miracle

(29) Why?

Boom! Bam! Another chapter. Whooooooh. Bye!

~Gracey

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"Just the way you are! When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile. Girl your amazing, just the way you are!"

Jade and I sing along to the music that is blaring through the speakers.

I fall down onto the couch in laughter. Jade knows how to make someone laugh during a bad day.

I got a call at 9:46 saying Ayden wasn't eating. Of course after I talked to him he agreed to eat his food and he could come and stay with me over the weekend.

After I got off the phone and cried Jade came in with a plate of cookies.

Feeling slightly upset to my stomach and feeling like I am home sick even though I'm already home. Jade made me go down the steps and dance around in the living room.

"That was fun" I smiled.

Jade fell down beside me out of breath just as I am.

"That's gonna be our new thing" she said leaning her head back up against the couch.

"I miss my family" I sigh.

The tears form in my blue eyes. "I miss my mom and my dad. I just miss my family, the one thing to lean on. I mean I had you but when my dad went nuts.... you left and I didn't have anyone. Then when she got really bad and I didn't know how to handle it. Jade, I had to sell myself to people. I didn't know what to do. I ended up getting pregnant and having an abortion, and that's when i stopped that. Kinsey looked up to me and I failed her. Jade, I failed my family. My boyfriend cheated on me, and now I feel like I have nothing left. I'm like stuck in this little spot and I can't move"

My heart feels like its breaking in a million pieces. Tears burning down my pale face. My heart is thumping and my mind is racing.

"My dad told me before he left" I took a second to sniffle before I could start again, "My dad told me that he would help me with anything and everything. He told me that he loved me so dearly and he would never give up on me. I remember she he was packing up and he came in and gave me a hug, and a necklace. I had to sell the necklace, the one thing that I had of my dad and I had to sell it."

Cringing at my own words I wiped my tears from my face. I hate telling people these things. But sometimes you have to get it off my chest.

I heard something move behind me and I quickly turn my head towards it. There stood Aaron.

I blinked a few times and wiped my eyes so that I could make sure to see him better, "How long-"

"I'm sorry..." he whispered.

"Now you know. Now you know everything" I snapped.

"It's not like I meant to! You were talking and I didn't want to interrupt you!" He huffed.

I shook my head and laughed, "now you really do know everything about me. Even my biggest secret. God, this day can't get any worse" I freaked.

Aaron let out a frustrated chuckle, "are you kidding me? I was bound to know what happened anyways"

I stood up in anger.

"Why does this keep happening to me?" Taking my anger out in every step. I slowly wipe away my tears and stomp up the steps.

Today is just not my day.

When I was telling Jade about the abortion and stuff, I never mentioned that I am still paying the bills and stuff from the hospital.

My life isn't only about the kids. But, everyday I regret what I did to myself and my beautiful child that was once happily growing inside of me.

Laying down on the bed I curl up into a ball. My emotions once again, take over me.

"Why?" I cry to myself.

Wrapping my little arms around myself I hold myself as my heart breaks.

"Why do you keep doing this to me?" I cried towards the ceiling.

Pulling the blankets up over me I let out a sob or two.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry" I whisper. I wiped the tears off of my face and stretched out relaxing my body.

When I closed my eyes I tried to let the darkness of sleep take over me. But the sound of the door creaking.

The sound of feet hitting the floor makes me let out another cry. I never want to admit it but I sometimes just want to be held.

"I got you" the peaceful sound of Aaron's voice rang through my ears.

He crawled into the bed with me, cuddling up beside me. Wrapping me in his safe arms.

"I didn't mean to. It was my own beautiful baby. It was precious and innocent. I took it's life because I didn't have the money nor time. My baby, my own blood i took away. I regret it Aaron." I looked up at him with my light blue eyes.

He wasn't looking at me, but I could tell he didn't know what to say. When he noticed I was looking at him he kissed my forehead.

"You didn't have a choice firefly. You had to do it for the babies own sake. You can't hold that against yourself. So, please just don't take it out on yourself"

He ran his fingers through my hair and I let out a puff of air that I have been holding in for awhile. I have a bad habit of holding my breath when I cry. I've gotten to the point one time where I almost passed out and I didn't even know I was holding in my breath for that long.

"Okay" I sigh letting another breath fall from my mouth.

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"We need to hurry or we are going to be late" I ordered to Aaron.

"I'm fucking coming. Calm the hell down" he growled.

Rolling my eyes I walk out the door slamming it shut.

God.

I got to the truck and turned it on. Sitting in the passenger seat I turned around and checked to see if the car seat was in the back.

Of course it isn't.

Getting back out of the truck I trudged over to my car and got the carseat out and snapped it into the truck.

I told Aaron to do this last night so that we could get up and go get Ayden and Brinica. But no he doesn't listen and has to go and piss me off.

This morning when I got up I walked to Aaron's room and woke him up telling him to get ready so we can go.

He didn't move until it was time to go and now he is taking forever.

I beeped the horn impatiently.

Come on asshole.

Finally he walks out and gets in the truck. I flash him a glare and he let's out a loud groan of frustration.

"It's your fault, asshole"