London - van mccann

28.

- the next morning

I woke up by a loud noise "fuck sake" i heard a voice say
Then i suddenly remembered where i was.
Fuck, I didn't even call Tom he must've worried
I stood up and looked into Matty's mirror
I brushed a hand through my hair
And walked into the living room seeing matty there
I felt uncomfortable being here, with him.
After two years not seeing him.
"Good morning" he said with a soft smile
"Good morning" I said sitting down on the couch "listen, we gotta talk yeah?" I said he nodded sitting in the ceiling of the window smoking a cigarette
"I remember last night" he said i nodded
"You gotta stop doing what you are doing yeah?" I said looking at him "doing what?" He asked "doing coke" I whispered
"Listen-"
"Matty, you know what happened last time"
"I know"
"You don't wanna go through that again."
He nodded
"I don't know how to stop Bella" he said looking outside "I know.." I whispered
I wanted to help him..i needed to help him
There was a short silence until I spoke up
"I saw you on a poster in New York a couple weeks ago.." I whispered
He looked at me "I-i-my heart started being faster and i was- I didn't know what to do" I said looking at him picking at my nails
"Matty, I never stopped loving you" I whispered suddenly
It was true, but I just started catching feelings for van and i love him now.
"But I just don't think- I don't think we can-"
"Right" he said standing up throwing his cigarette out of the window "so why'd you stay?" He asked walking closer to me "cause' you asked." I replied "bullshit, you could've left." He said coming closer
I swallowed looking at him, he was right
He got so close, our noses almost touched
"Tell me" he started "tell me you don't want this anymore" he whispered looking at me
My heart started beating fast
"I don't-" I started but stopped myself
There was a short silence until he spoke
"I really want to kiss you right now.." he said his hands landing in my hair
I closed my eyes but pulled away
"I gotta go.." I whispered
I turned around and left the apartment closing the door
I felt bad, I know I loved him and it felt right but i know he wasn't right for me.

I walked home after what happened
I sat in the kitchen with my brother Tom
"I was so worried about you, you know?" He said looking at me "I know, I should've called but i forgot.." I whispered
"Tom..I really don't know what to do" I said looking at him, he sighed "you love him right? Matty?" He asked looking at him, i nodded "but i-"
"Listen, you only slept with van cause you and Matty were on bad terms, imagine if that never happened between you and Matty, you would've not slept with him.." he said
I shook my head "no i love van, Tom" i said knitting my eyebrows "but what if Matty didn't sleep with other people at the time, what if he wasn't like that, you would've chosen him and you know that" he said looking at him
"You haven't even been in a relationship with van-"
"That doesn't matter" I sighed
"Yes it does." He whispered before walking off to his bedroom
I swallowed looking at my phone, i needed to call Cara.
"Hello?" She said after a few moments
"Cara I have to tell you something" I said
"Oh god"
"Last night i went out and i saw matty" I whispered "oh my-" she started but I cut her off "he was drunk and making a scene in a bar and i walked him home, we talked.." I said
"He waited for me for two years Cara" I said
She sighed "his addicted again.." I whispered she sighed again "Bella you shouldn't be-" she stared "I don't know what to do Cara, I love him we all know that, but since van is here things has changed..but now i haven't seen him in weeks cause he fucking had to kiss someon- I wanna see you Cara" I said
"I wanna see you too Bella, it's not the same without you" she sighed "and to be honest, van misses you a lot, like really much" she whispered "he screwed up" I said
"Yeah don't we all?" She sighed

I looked outside of the window having a smoke
I couldn't stop thinking about Matty..
I grew my ciggy outside of the window and grabbed my jacket and walked out of the building i was living in.
I stepped into my car and drove away.
It was a 5 minute drive until i got there
I stepped out of my car and locked it
I quickly walked into the building and stepped into the lift soon after.
I waited a minute until the doors opened
I walked towards the room and knocked on it
After a few moments it opened
"Bella?" He said confused
I looked into his eyes "I don't know if i'm about to make a mistake but-" i started but sighed
I walked closer to him, and kissed him
He immediately deepened the kiss
I pulled away for a second and looked into his eyes "you are so on high on coke" I whispered
He pulled off my jacket and closed the door
He lifted me off the ground and started kissing my neck
I moaned his name softly, he smiled against my neck "I missed that" he whispered before throwing his blouse off
"Come" I said walking towards his bed that was in the living room, don't ask me why.
He hovered me as we lay on his bed
"You are so sexy, fuck me" he sighed smiling
I pulled my shirt off and got on my knees looking him straight in the eyes
"I love you" I whispered kissing his lips again
"You make me go crazy" I whispered in between kisses i pulled away and unbuttoned his black jeans
He smirked looking at me brushing a hand through my black hair
I threw my knickers off as he lay down
I kissed his body before working my way down there
After that, he flipped me over and started kissing my chest "I want to hear you scream my name yeah?" He asked i nodded