London - van mccann

37.

                      A month later
                            London
                           Bella's POV.

"No no it's alright" I said with a small smile looking at my mom "alright, love" she said kissing my cheek "I love you, I'll see you soon again yeah?" I said with a smile as i let go of her hand "okay darling, take care yeah? love you more" she said smiling
I nodded and walked to my car "goodnight!" I said before stepping into it
I drove home and arrived after 15 minutes
I walked into my place and walked into my room, i was alone cause Tom was out with some mates.
I sighed and sat down on my bed.
I decided to clean my room up a bit.
They're were some things of van laying around.
I found some old make up i used years ago.
I chuckled to myself seeing the shade i used then.
I found a sweater, it wasn't van's, it wasn't toms and it sure wasn't mine.
My heart staring beating faster as i discovered the smell of the sweater.
I sat down on the bed with the sweater and sighed, i looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall.
It was 11pm.
I stood up and walked out of the door with the sweater.
I jumped into my car and drove to his apartment.
I stepped into the lift as i got there and waited a few moments before walking out of it.
I knocked on his door and waited for an answer
I hoped he wasn't out.
The door opened making me rather nervous.
I looked at him "hey" I said with a small sigh
"I uh- Bella i didn't expect you to be here actually, come in" he said confused with a smile, I chuckled and walked in looking around
"I see the bed is still in the living room" i chuckled he nodded smiling at me
"You look healthy, Matty" I whispered still standing in the living room
"Thank you, i uh- I'm happy to see you here but after our last conversation and- i just didn't expected- I thought you moved with van-" he started but i cut him off "I found you're favorite sweater tonight" I said with a weak smile looking at it "and uh- i needed to talk to someone who understands me..and you were the only person i could think off so" I said handing him the sweater.
"I uhm- would you like to sit down or? I'll get something to drink" he said walking into the kitchen, I walked towards the couch and sat down.
"You want some wine?" He asked from the kitchen
"I would love that." I said
After a minute he came back with two glasses of wine handing me one.
He sat down and looked at me
"You look good" he said with a small smile
"Thank you" I whispered
"So tell me..what happened?"
"well..I thought moving to Chester starting over with someone new and just- having a few life and new work and new people around would make me a new person- sort of" I said looking at my hands "but i was wrong...i just wasn't ready for a serious thing..I uh- i made a terrible mistake" i said looking down "what did you do?" He asked looking at me
"I left with someone who i met at a bar, i slept in a hotel with the guy and left the next morning, van found out of course, but still if he didn't, I would tell him eventually, I felt so guilty..I just wasn't ready for anything serious like that i suppose" I said
He looked at me for a few moments until speaking "you weren't ready for anything serious? Or anything serious with him?" He asked looking at me
I went silent for a few moments until i spoke up "that's bullocks i love van it's just- I started but he cut me off "it's just that he doesn't complete you and that you miss something he can't give you.." he said
I swallowed looking at him
"You just- you are just trying to-"
"Bella, I'm not trying to do anything" he said
I sighed looking away
"Think about it, he doesn't do anything wrong does he? After that accident in New York when you left nothing bad happened and he wants to give you a normal future without any rough edges or any adventures right? He wants to have a family and love you and wants you to stay home with him and just make you happy right? And you believed that makes you happy but after those two months you knew that isn't what you want, you want to travel you want to things you regret you want to do as many things in life as possible and do things you never did." He said
"Matty-"
"You know it's true Bella, but if he makes you happy like you use to say..I won't say another word." He said
I looked at him and bit my lip
"You're right.." I whispered
"Listen I just want what's best for you, I want you to be truly happy, I don't wanna see you like this you've been through enough..." he sighed