Lauren was getting sick of waiting, those three months had turned into four and those turned into five again. She couldn’t handle it anymore, it was just too much, she wanted her Camzi back. She was doing bad in school because she spend all her time visiting the hospital. She was sick of staring at the smaller girl. Even though Camila looked ‘normal’ again she still wasn’t making any progress. The burns had healed, the skin on her arms and back were a slight shade of pink but it was bubbled and on her brow it wasn’t red anymore but the skin was bubbled too and scarred, her cast had been removed two months ago and also all the scrapes and bruises had faded, the hair on her on the right side of her head was growing back quickly and only a small piece of the thick red scar was showing. The accident had left some pretty bad scars and they still couldn’t tell which consequences the brain injury would have.
Lauren hated to see her Camzi like that, her once perfectly tanned skin was now pale and scarred. It looked like the girl had shrunk, they didn’t think the girl could get even more tinnier before the accident but now they were clearly proven wrong, she was a twig; it looked like she could break in two any minute and it scared the girls. They could easily overlap the girl’s arms and ankles with their fingers, her ribs were showing so much that she literally looked like a skeleton.
The only thing that got better over the past few months was the awkwardness between Ally and Lauren, everything was normal between them again and Ally’s love for Lauren was never brought up again since Lauren’s talk with Dinah and Normani. She wasn’t sure if Ally still loved her but she was glad that everything was normal again, because after she took some time to figure everything out she came to the conclusion that Ally wasn’t the one she loved.
It was 3pm when Lauren entered the hospital that day, she walked through the same depressing white halls as she did almost every day. When she reached Camila’s door a lot of noise was heard and for a minute Lauren thought her Camzi woke up. She opened the door and barged into the room, but what she saw was nothing like what she expected, doctors were performing CPR on the small lifeless body in the bed while the heart monitor was once again flat lining. She was watching as a nurse prepared the defibrillator while a doctor cut open the girl’s hospital gown, as soon as the woman yelled clear everyone stepped back and the girl’s body moved up due to shock. The doctors went back to performing CPR when she still didn’t start breathing. ‘WE’RE LOSING HER!’ was the last thing Lauren heard before running out of the room.
When she got home she didn’t even bother about greeting her parents or siblings, she slammed the front door shut and ran upstairs while receiving strange and sympathetic looks from her parents and siblings. She threw herself on the bed and started crying and screaming not caring if the neighbours could hear her, she’d not idea whether Camila died or not, she didn’t even want to know, she was afraid of the truth .
To be honest it felt like all the life was sucked out of her body over the past few months, she had like zero energy left in her body she was always tired, she couldn’t concentrate on anything anymore, nothing interested her anymore, she quitted softball, she just felt so empty. Hopeless..
Over the past month she made up a lot of detailed plans on how to end her life, but she never carried them through, she could never find the strength to fulfil her plans, but knowing that her Camzi might be dead took away all her motivation to carry on living.
She has been sitting on the bathroom floor for more than half an hour when she finally pulls out her razor, her eyes were glazed over but she was no longer crying; her body is empty. One cut, two cuts, four cuts. Each one getting deeper and deeper. Nothing is worth is anymore, her life isn’t worth it anymore. Her body shakes as the blood gushes out of her arms. While her eyes begin to flutter shut and her head becomes to get heavier a small smile spread across her lips, I’m coming Camzi.
