Halfpenny OC Reviews

Gwendolyn Tatum

This character belongs to

Fandom : Harry Potter

Nice, nice.

Name/Nickname : Gwendolyn Jane Tatum, goes by Gwen.

That's a pretty name, and it flows nicely.

Age : 15

I've never paid enough attention to figure out what years the ages correspond to, but I'll take a leap of faith and assume she's in the right year to be playing Quidditch. If I'm wrong and she's slightly too young, then you need to either come up with a watertight reason for why she's allowed to play Quidditch, or bump her age up.

Gender/Sexuality : Female (she/her) and straight

Okie dokie. Thanks for including pronouns!

Appearance : she's pretty tall, and muscular since she plays beater in Quidditch. She has curly black hair that can get extremely frizzy, but she doesn't mind. She has chocolate colored skin and greenish yellow eyes. She has an oddly shaped birthmark on her stomach and light freckles on her arms and face.

I especially like the detail about the birthmark and the light freckles. Since Harry Potter is a fantasy world, you could potentially include the birthmark as relevant to the plot, or to a subplot. There might be some friction involved in comparing someone's skin color to a food, but I couldn't say for sure, I've done it before and never received backlash. Just take this as a head's up to be careful because you never know what might offend people. The eye color is a bit strange, but not unheard of.

Personality : kind-hearted, loving, opinionated, fiercely protective, a little obnoxious, forgiving, confident, not afraid to tell you off (as she commonly does to James Potter), friendly, and popular

These all fit together nicely. I'd say now what you need to do is look to the future and figure out how to use some of these personality traits in the story. For instance, you mention that she's popular, and judging by the backstory she seems to rely on her friends for support. What would happen if she lost that popularity and/or her friends? How would she react; how would that effect the rest of the story?

Backstory : When Gwen first arrived at Hogwarts she was a little ball of energy. She was nearly bouncing off the castle walls with excitement. However, as teachers commonly told her to be quiet and older students condescended her with racist and rude remarks, she became more introverted and reserved. But, soon she made friends that helped her be herself again. And in third year she was back to that little ball of energy again, except this time much taller (and would become beater for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team), and didn't let what others said effect her as much. Now, in fifth year, she is popular and her personality has grown, and though others remarks get her down at times, she has loyal friends to get her through it all.

The character development in this is great, continue thinking about how she can grow and develop throughout the rest of the story.

Strengths : open-minded, curious, observant, good at communicating, energetic

Alright, solid.

Weaknesses : not very practical (could lead to her downfall), difficulty with focusing, overthinks things, gets stressed easily, very emotional

In what ways could her impracticality lead to her downfall?

Other : habits - drinking tea, swearing (although she is trying to cut down on that), biting her nails, regularly playing Quidditch

Gwen's patronus is a hedgehog and she is in Hufflepuff

You can include her bitten-down nails as part of her appearance, (also now I'm curious what her hands look like, but that's besides the point) I personally can't stand having short nails but my sister bites hers down excessively far and she always has hangnails and bloody fingertips, which can't be comfortable. 

It's nice that she's in one of the less popular houses, and her personality fits her house! 

.:Score and Feedback:.

Originality Score: 98%:  Literally the only unoriginal thing I can find is the fact that she was bullied, but that is relevant to her character development. Her appearance was unique without being over-the-top, and her personality was relatable and solid.

Interest Score: 89%: I don't read Harry Potter fanfic, but coming across this character in a story would not be disappointing.

Suggestions for Improvement: Honestly? I'm struggling to come up with any. You have a strong feel for this character and you communicate that well. She already has some character development under her belt, and there's room for more. The only thing I can think of to say is that you should look ahead in your story. Decide how she's going to change and what brings about that change. Use information from her personality, backstory, strengths, and weaknesses to influence her development.

You have a solid character here, now go forth and write!