Halfpenny OC Reviews

Karmin Maddox

This character belongs to @Leontyne9256

Thank you for submitting a character for review!

Fandom: -

I will assume that means original.

Name/Nickname: Karmin Asani Maddox

Cool. The middle name doesn't flow as nicely with the first and last as it could, but it can be a pain to find middle names that work. If you use/plan to use their middle name a significant amount in the story, then search for something that fits a little more smoothly, other than that, the name is great!

Age: 20

It's always nice to see ages outside of the usual range of 15-18. Although one thing that's good to consider for any story is whether the age is accurate for the setting and/or pertinent to the story.

Gender/Sexuality: Androgynous/Bisexual

I'm going to assume that their pronouns are 'they/them' (because I fail at all other non-binary pronouns).

Appearance: Asain so tanned skin, brown eyes, dark hair

Those features all fit nicely with their genealogy. Don't be afraid to branch out from the stereotypical Asian features! I would like more detail here, all this gives me is a blurry idea of an Asian person. Are they short or tall? Are they thin or fat? What defining facial features or body features do they have that set them apart from every single other person with tan skin, brown eyes, and dark hair?

Personality: Pretty quiet and reserved, has few friends, doesn't do much but stays home and sleeps and does homework

Ha, they sound like me. This is a good basis, there's nothing contradictory within their personality. However, again, more detail would be appreciated. Start thinking about the reasons they act the way they do; is it an inborn personality trait, or did something external cause it? How would they react in different situations?

Explore your character, make them a real person.

Background: haven't come up with a solid one yet

Alright.

Strengths: Solidarity

Their strength is 'mutual support within a group'. I am not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean... But I'll take it.

Weakness: Social Situations

This fits well with her personality.

Other: nope

Okie dokie.

.:Score and Feedback:.

Originality Score: 65%: You have what could potentially be a strong character here, but you bottomed out on the descriptions for appearance, personality, and backstory. There was nothing there to give me a solid feel for who they are, and when you write a story it's important that the readers are able recognize your character as an individual person rather than as a stock character.

The devil's in the details, my dear.

Interest Score: 89%: Had I stumbled upon this character in a wattpad story, I would have been hooked by them. But the lack of description probably would have lost me.

Suggestions for improvement: More details! I get the feeling that this isn't a totally developed character, especially since you mentioned that you don't have a solid backstory yet. As you develop them more, think of how everything connects. For instance, an event in the backstory could effect their personality, and a detail in their personality could come out in their appearance (eg; always staring at the floor because they are shy), and vice versa.

Also consider what problems they might face, as a person who is part of two noticeable minorities (POC and SAGA), depending on the setting they might face discrimination or bullying. You should also research Asian culture if you are not familiar with it, to incorporate it with your character, as well as researching how androgyns maintain their appearance and lifestyle. For instance, if your character was born female, then you should look into binding, top and bottom surgeries, and hormone therapy.

Overall I find your character to be appealing but incomplete. Don't give up on them!

A/N: Sorry for the false upload yesterday. Clearly Wattpad is being moody, so I'm trying again, and hopefully it works!