Halfpenny OC Reviews

Fione Farfalla

This character was submitted by: Aries15Excalibur

Fandom: None

Right on.

Name: Fione Dao Farfalla

That's a mouthful, but it's not over-the-top complicated.

Gender/Sexuality: (Mostly) Straight, cis female

By mostly do you mean she's bi-curious maybe? Or has she grown up in a culture/household that frowns on anything except heterosexuality?

Appearance: Hair is a little above shoulder-length and naturally curly. Her hair is dyed ginger, but it's growing out brown at the roots. Slightly tanned skin and covered in awkward tan lines. She has a rounded face, squinted dark brown eyes. Half Taiwanese.

She seems like a realisitic-looking character, there's not a lot of detail here but there's enough that you could give the reader a good first impression. You should develop the character a bit more so that you can give the reader more details as the story progresses, like what kind of clothes she wears, and whether or not she has any habitual movements or tics.

Personality: Known for being ditzy and a primmadonna, but is a problem solver and almost always positive. Occasionally a brat

This personality is very conflicting. Prima Donna's don't tend towards being problem solvers, especially not ditzy ones. This could be a hidden gem of hers, but you should build more on either the positive problem solving version of her, or the ditzy Prima Donna version of her, and then use which ever side you don't build on very subtly. That way you can bring it out more and more as the story develops, it would make for an interesting character arc.

Backstory: Comes from a fairly normal middle-class family. She lives with her mom, dad, and has two older brothers. Both of her brothers have moved out

Okay. How do you make a story out of this? Is literally any of this backstory going to be relevant in your story?

Strengths: Compromising, mediating arguments

How would a Prima Donna transform into a mediator? I feel like she would be the one making things worse, but again, you can use this as a sort of hidden gem type of thing, depending on what path you take your character down.

Weaknesses: A little too self-absorbed and overly confident

That suits her well, actually. You could use a couple more strengths and weaknesses, just to flesh her out more.

Other: Has ADHD and stub thumbs (a genetic mutation that makes the thumbs short and stubby)

I like the detail about stub thumbs, you should include it in her appearance. Also, you can definitely use different aspects of ADHD to add to her personality, backstory, strengths, and weaknesses. Keeping in mind, however, that your character shouldn't rely too heavily on her mental disorder to make her interesting.

.: Scores and Feedback :.

Originality Score: 80%: The details about her being Taiwanese, having stub thumbs, and in general just not being your typical perfect Mary Sue character are all great! She just needs a lot more thought put into her.

Interest Score: 20%: Like I said, a lot more thought has to go into Fione. She's more of a stock character than anything, and in order to pull a good story from her, you're going to have to put in ten times more effort. She's unique, but parts of her conflict too much, and there's nothing I can see to really make me invested in her.

Suggestions for improvement: Try starting with a better backstory, and see what you can get from that. This character is definitely a good start, and I can see her turning into a great character, but she needs more development.