Halfpenny OC Reviews

Alexa

This character is submitted by @PiggyTheRockinPotato

Fandom: No Fandom

No is my favourite fandom.

Name: Alexa

Middle name? Surname? Last name? Names are incredibly important, both in the real world and the fictional world. They give us something to relate back to the person, unless there is a specific reason for the character to have only one name, then you should come up with something more, even if it's just a last name, or a family/clan title. (ex; Alexa Earheart; or Alexa daughter of Shannon; or Alexa of the Greensville pack).

Age: 16

M'kay, my suggestion to you is that you bump her age to at least 21. I normally wouldn't offer a change so specific, but after glancing over the backstory I can honestly say she sounds like jailbait.

Gender/Sexuality: Uses She/Her pronouns and is bisexual

That's all fair. I would like to know her specific gender though. She/her pronouns can belong to a number of different gender orientations, and the one she aligns with is going to effect her character.

Appearance: she has long silky golden fur, unusually large ears and paws, and a strangely long tail. She also has icy blue eyes.

A golden wolf is strange, you should take into consideration her genetics when you decide what color her coat is. It would be especially helpful if you researched the region she comes from, so that you can learn what the usual coat colors are for wolves in that region and can use that to come up with a realistic coat color for your character. I personally have never seen a wolf with a coat that ranged outside of the grey/brown spectrum, but I live in Canada where the most colorful landborn animal we have is the red fox.

It can be frustrating to come up with physically unique animal characters because we're so used to humans, who can have such a wide variety of differences, whereas animals are much more constricted. You have something good going with the large ears and paws, however I think a more natural coat color would be better suited in this situation.

Personality: slightly peverted, strong

Is this all? Perverted in what way? Strong in what way? Give me something here. If you don't have a solid personality for your character then they are cardboard-- boring and flimsy. The reason we give our character personalities is mainly so that we have something to base their actions and reactions off of. If you have very few points then you either have a very limited scope of reactions from your character, or you end up with a character who flops all over the place doing and saying whatever is convenient for the story and emphasizes they're 'strongness' or 'pervertedness'.

Backstory: When Alexa was born, she was never really wanted by her parents. She was the only one in the litter of pups, and she had a long tail and large ears and paws from the start. Because she looked like that, her parents ran from her, leaving her alone. She learned how to do everything herself, because whenever any other wolf saw her, they ran from her as well. Later in life, she found her mate, but was rejected by them. That's why she is slightly perverted now. She thinks that if she mates with someone by force, they cannot reject her.

Okay, well. I think that counts as a personality disorder, which could make for an interesting story. There are a lot of clichés here, to be honest, and I don't really see anything to support their relevance in the story. I understand what you're trying to do with the character, and I see how you're trying to construct her past to reflect her present personality and justify her actions, but I don't think you're taking the right route. Since this backstory is somewhat short and to the point, I'll pick it apart to show you some specifics.

First of all, 'she was never really wanted by her parents. She was the only one in the litter of pups, and she had a long tail and large ears and paws from the start. Because she looked like that, her parents ran from her, leaving her alone.' Parents are odd creatures, it is not normal for a parent to abandon their young child under anything less than extenuating circumstances. Large paws and ears? Not that big of a deal. Lots of humans have larger than normal hands or feet, and at worst they get bullied by their peers over it. Rational parents don't leave their children over minor abnormalities like that. There is also no chance that a pup would be able to fend for themselves. They haven't seen enough of the world around them, they don't understand what's dangerous and what's not, and they wouldn't be able to get themselves food or water. A pup is not mentally or physically equipped to survive alone, regardless of how gifted they might be.

Second of all, 'whenever any other wolf saw her, they ran from her as well' Maybe it's just me, but I don't think large paws, ears, and a long tail are that terrifying. It would be like a human who had large hands and feet. Are you scared of people with large hands? I'm not. Perhaps you should add in a detail to explain why these traits cause such a bad reaction with other wolves. Maybe wolves are highly superstitious, and large paws are a sure sign of a cursed pup.

Thirdly, you need a solid reason for her mate to have rejected her. Preferably something other than her less-than-perfect appearance. To my understanding, mates usually create a deep emotional bond that can be present even before they meet (my understand extends to whatever information is held in the occasional random werewolf books I read, so I may not be the best judge), which means that something as simple as Alexa not being the most beautiful wolf probably won't lead to her mate rejecting her.

Fourthly, I question the validity of anything to do with mates at the age of sixteen, and I especially question anything that leads to that level of pervertedness. She's not even legal yet. I totally understand that hormones can make teenagers a little love-crazy, but I think taking rejection this hard is a little overboard.

Powers: none

Alrighty.

Strengths: Fighting for herself

This makes sense in terms of her backstory. Make sure it comes out in her interactions with the world, but be careful. The ability to fight for herself doesn't necessarily mean that she's this big tough wolf who doesn't need any other damn people in her way. People can be quietly strong too.

Weaknesses: The sudden need to mate with another wolf.

I can see how this could lead to her downfall, but perhaps you could expand upon it more.

Other: None.

Okie dokie (Man, I say that a lot, don't I...)

.:Score and Feedback:.

Originality Score: 47%: She's a cliché character and I don't believe you've put enough thought into her. Her strange coat color, eye color, her abandonment and rejection, they're all clichés and none of them have a reason to be there, except that the rejection leads to her slight perversion.

Interest Score: 30%: There's nothing relatable about this character, and there's nothing to make the reader wonder about her. She's more of a stock character than a real person.

Suggestions for Improvement: Stop reading Wattpad Werewolf books, and invest in some Google and/or Pinterest downtime. Read whatever how-to blog you can about creating characters, oh, and read up on wolves too, there's a lot you can do with animal stories when you have good knowledge about the animal.