Decisions- A Lams High school AU {CURRENTLY BEING REWRITTEN}

9: Revelation

A/N: Here's an angst chapter for you to enjoy. Buckle the FUCK Up, and get ready for some heavy shit! ⚠️Suicidal thoughts and actions⚠️ Power outage+Storm chapter! (Every basic ham fic has one)
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=John's POV=

       As soon as I opened the closet door to see Alex on the floor, cutting, I leap into action. "J-john... I-I..." he mutters out before bursting into tears. I could see a few streams of crimson running down his wrist. "I'm so sorry... I-I had... I'm so sorry." He cries out as I pick him and rip the blade out of his hand, dropping it to the floor away from him. He wraps his legs around my waist as I pull him close and stand up with him in my arms.

"Shhh, I know. I know." I say stroking his hair to calm him down. "Just breath in, and out." I mumble soothingly to him. He buries his face into my chest, and just cries it all out. "I c-can't do i-it anymore J-John," he weeps weakly into me, as I carry him to the bathroom. "Yes you can, Alexander. You've made it this far already." I say, rubbing his back reassuringly. I softly kiss the top of his head and coo, "Just calm down," as sweetly as possible.

I reach out my right hand from his back to open the door of the family bathroom. Setting him down gently on the counter, I hold onto him for a little bit longer and rub his back softly. "Could you guys please go clean up the janitor's closet?" I ask, hoping to give us some privacy. It seems like they take the hint and leave. As soon as I hear the door close I pull back to look Alex in the eyes.

"Just breathe..." I whisper. "In: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Out: 1, 2, 3, 4." I repeat myself until his breathing returns to its regular pattern, only periodically interrupted by sniffles and hiccups. "Are you okay to let go now?" He shakes his head and buries his face into the crook of my neck. "Alex, I have to get you cleaned up sweetie..." I say, softly prying his arms off of me. Opening one of the cabinets, I pull the first aid kit off of its shelf.

~~⚠️Suicidal Thoughts Up Ahead!⚠️~~

"Why?" I ask him softly, placing the box on the counter top and opening it. "Why are you still doing this to yourself?" I pull out the bandages and towels and set them down next to the box. "I-I...I don't know John." He pulls jacket sleeves farther up to examine the newly made cuts. "I should've done it." I freeze at his words. "What?" "I should've just offed myself instead." He continues, "Instead of just sitting there, cutting, should've killed myself."

I drop the towel I had wetted onto the floor with a plop and hear the door open behind me, but I don't care. The others lock the door behind them and drop our bags down at the door. "Nonono... Alex, I can't believe you would think something like that about yourself." I wrap my arms around him, but he doesn't return the hug. "I was going to do it today actually, at lunch on the roof." He says "No one would be there to stop me, no one would find me until that afternoon..." I feel small drops of tears drip onto my jacket.

"And no one would care." He says. I can feel him cry, but his tone and expression don't change at all. "I would care!" I say, feeling tears build up in my eyes too, "I would care so much if you disappeared, ever." I don't let the tears fall though. "Alex, please... I don't know what I would do without you here, George and Martha love you too much to lose you, and everyone else here cares, too." I say, clutching him closer to me. "Please don't do it." I beg him, "Promise me you won't do it." I start to stroke his hair.

"I promise," he says softly, putting an arm around me, but I immediately pull back to look him in the eyes. "You don't mean it. I know you're gonna try it again, aren't you?" He looks away, but I pull his face back to look at me, "You are. Alexander, please..." (I wasn't even trying to make a reference there) He doesn't say anything, so I sigh and let go. I pick the towel up from the floor and start washing the dirt from the floor off of it.