Decisions- A Lams High school AU {CURRENTLY BEING REWRITTEN}

25: The New Years Sleepover pt.2: I'm So Late This Needs to End

A/N: Lmao this is just filler, but it's still a chapter-
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       Alexander lay awake in his hospital bed, staring up at the white ceiling through the darkness. The boy is trying his best to clear his mind of all thoughts so he can sleep, but it doesn't seem to be working. He started counting the dots and indentations of the patterned ceiling above him to occupy himself, thinking that doing something mindless and tedious would help to calm him. It unfortunately hasn't been doing much for him, so he sits up and starts and let his mind wander away. He peers through the window to his right, seeing nothing but the dark outlines of trees against the clear night sky. It's about that time when it's so early in the morning that the sky is almost a bright purple, creating a beautiful hue for Alexander to examine as he tries to rest.

       Turning onto his back, he looks back up to the plain ceiling. He's so bored knowing he won't be able to get to sleep or do anything to occupy his time. Just having that in mind has his hands itching to do something within seconds. To still them he gathers the paper-like sheets of the hospital bed into his hands, folding, picking, and clenching the fabric. Soon enough he realizes that there's gotta be something he can do. Maybe I can talk to someone... He thinks, grabbing his phone off of his nightstand. He knows none of his friends are awake at this hour, but being the prick he is he decides to call one off them anyways. Who to pester at such an ungodly hour..? Soon he settles on his boyfriend's contact, devising a small itinerary to bother him as much as possible.

       I'm so evil! He thinks to himself gratifyingly as he presses the small phone icon. The phone rings out on the first try, but of course Alexander isn't one to give up. He sighs, pressing the icon again. It rings out for a second time, but Alex is dead set on talking to his boyfriend. For the third and final time he taps on the icon and holds the phone to his ear. Finally, on the fourth ring, John picks up. "A-Alex?" He stutters confusedly through the phone. "Morning Jacky~" he purrs through the phone, hoping to startle John into a more awake state. And John was awake all right. "Alex, why are you callin' me this early to try and make me hard?" Alex has to pull the phone away from his face so he can laugh quietly to himself, snickering at how quickly he caught on.

"Libido doesn't rest, baby, and neither do I." This time John chuckles. "Oh we are not doing this right now." Then Alex thinks of the perfect comeback. "That would be a pretty dick move, but I'd like yours instead." John basically chokes on nothing before composing himself again. "I bet you'd love to see it wouldn't you. And that was a horrible pun." Alex gasps in mock offense, "Please, that was better than anything you'll ever come up with." John snorts, "You're probably wrong, but sure." Alex immediately replies "Insult my pun making skills again and I'll suck the soul outta you." John laughs at how wrong that sounded, given the current topic. "Actually, that doesn't sound too bad. Probably pretty enjoyable." Alex makes an attempt at quieting his laughter as he responds, "N-Not like that, nasty!"

John is quiet for a few moments before he speaks up again, "You sound just like a tsundere." "A what?" "Nothing." Alex is confused, having no clue about whatever weeb thing John was probably referencing. "So why did you actually call me in the first place?" John inquires. "Um..." Alexander allows a tired senseless giggle float past his lips before responding, "I dunno." John doesn't say anything for a few moments, lips sealed with disbelief. Then he speaks, a short "What?" "Yea no, I don't really have a reason. I'm just really tired and I can't sleep, I guess, so why not annoy you to pass the time?" The curly haired boy on the other end of the line contemplates hanging up the phone as soon as the words had left Alex's mouth, but decides against it at the last second.

Instead he settles with a dry, "You're insufferable." "But you love me." Alex parries, giggling tiredly again when he hears John sigh a heavy response through the phone. "At time's like these I wonder why." "I do too, to be honest." John laughs at that, turning over under the green comforter of his bed. He yawns slightly, taking a moment to process anything to say. "Is there anything in particular keepin' you from sleeping?" Alex sighs, "Just... my mind. Thinking about stuff's kept me from sleeping for a while." John turns back over onto his back, shifting the covers down to his waist. "Then stop thinking. Just let your mind rest for a while, it needs a break." Alex chuckles, "Trust me, I know, but my mind has never willingly stopped thinking. Never for sleep especially, Jacky."

John heaves a sigh at those words, wishing Alex would just take a break and stop focusing on everything for once. His mind is always thinking about something, calculating, analyzing, buzzing with numbers, figures, and phrases - all next to his own demons as well. There are times when his mind is empty, and he does something on impulse. Without thinking he'll hurt another person or himself, and his mind will end up filled with doubts and regrets of it later. The poor boy barely ever sleeps. "Lex, you have control over your own mind and body. There's nothing stopping you from doing what needs to be done for yourself." "Sometimes it doesn't feel that way." Alexander let those few words slip off his tongue accidentally, and marks them as a mistake as
silence suddenly begins to stretch between them.

John isn't exactly caught off guard by this, but he doesn't really know how to respond either. In his mind's eye, instances of Alexander's panic attacks and the times he's had to talk Alex out of them flicker past, one after another. It's unsettling how well he can remember them - every single small detail of each memory is vivid enough to look real. Especially the most recent one, during the storm a while ago. He can almost feel the smaller boy's uneven breaths as well as he could at the time it was happening - the way the feeling of his long hair brushing John's face lingers even though it was so long ago has him draw a sharp breath. He remembers the small splotches of blood covering parts of the patterned granite counter, and the light scrape of bandages as Alex's arms wrap around his neck.

He remembers trying to calm him down, but being too distracted to do it right this time. He remembers yelling because he's so scared, and he remembers pulling pill bottles out of Alex's bag to dump them out, 'Melatonin' broadly printed on the front. John may not have comforted Alex the way he needed to at the time, but he was so glad he had stopped him that he was able to look past it. Thinking back now, it may just haunt him. He may seem like he knows what he's doing when it comes to them, or like he's calm and level-headed, but he's always so so afraid. He's panicking inside as well, but forces on a calm shell of someone he wishes he could be. But he ignores the fact that he's not as strong as he pretends to be, because he has to be.

"I-I know. I know, Alexander." He doesn't say anything after that, but simply holds his breath and prays that Alex doesn't pick up on the wateriness of those last lines. Or that he's fighting back tears of anxiety, hoping he'll never be in such a position again, but knowing he will. Alex picks up immediately, wishing he could take back the effects of what he just said. "Jacky I-" Alex doesn't get very far before he gets cut off. The tears are slipping down John's face now, but he doesn't want Alex to be there to hear him cry. The last thing Alex needs is to hear his rock, his anchor breaking down. "I-I gotta go Lex. I'm sorry." Then the line cuts off and all Alex can hear is the monotone beep of a dead phone line. That's it.

       No 'I love you', no 'goodbye', no 'sleep well', nothing. Just nothing. Alex keeps the silence he's been left with and slides his phone back onto the nightstand. He turns over on the ever uncomfortable mattress he's been placed on, and pulls the scratchy white sheets up to his shoulders. Then he shuts his eyes, finally drifting into a troubled sleep. It's the best he's going to get at this point.
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Word Count: 1497
A/N: Yes, I'm risen from the dead once again. This summer has been a hectic, but nonetheless good one, so I'm very sorry for not posting. I haven't had that much inspiration as of late, but I'm going to try to get back to updating this story regularly. I promise I am not abandoning it!