Decisions- A Lams High school AU {CURRENTLY BEING REWRITTEN}

17: Interviews and Information pt.2

A/N: You guys have no idea how sorry I am for this late chapter. School is murdering me, my coach is murdering me in hell, counseling is making me uncomfortable in super hell, and trying for high schools is actually the most draining thing ever. Also, why the hell did I wake up at 8 today??? I'm trying to write this chapter and "For Forever," from DEH started playing and I started crying cause Evan my smol child-... sorry I'm rambling. I'll just start the chappy now.
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=Alexander's POV=

How could I be so stupid?! Of course these popular kids are stalking me, I'm Thomas's boyf- ex-boyfriend. He probably put these girls up to it, for all I know. It's kinda creepy. If he's been stalking me this whole time, he probably has my schedule memorized by now, and he knows exactly when I do things. Which means he also knows what I've been doing with John.

But there no way he can be everywhere at once... which means that he's got people all over the school. He's only in a few of my classes, so he has to have people doing it for him. We aren't even in gym together, yet he has pictures of my cuts, and I know he doesn't photograph me while we're screwing. I can feel the chills going down my back. He has people to stalk me, and I don't even want to think about what he does for then in exchange. It's very unsettling to know that I'm being followed everywhere I go, I mean, he even got people on the news team to stalk me. But if he's put people up to this, that also means that they could blackmail me at anytime. Like those three girls!

       And I thought life was already hell. All of a sudden, the full extent of my situation starts to dawn on me. Holy Mother of Satan. I have to tell George! But if I do, he'll talk to the principal about it, or even worse: he'll go straight to Thomas. What am to do. What the hell am I supposed to do about this. Oh. shit. After this news report goes out my ass is dead meat. No matter what decision I make the odds are stacked against me. I can't do anything, I have to give in. There's no way out!

       I hate this feeling! The feeling that you're powerless no matter what you do, or that you have to give in. Knowing that you just have to sit and wait for something to change for the better sucks, and it's never worked once. At least not for me. I just want to be strong for once! I want everyone to know what I can do, that I can stand up for myself. I'm not weak, yet it always seems like I need someone to rely on. I hate that.

       I'm not just some nerd who can't defend themselves, or some toy to be used and thrown away; I'm a strong independent person who can fend for himself! I don't want to look like the damsel in distress that's always being rescued! I don't want to be stalked! I don't want to be blackmailed or bullied! I don't want my depression or my anxiety! I don't want to get disgusted or sympathetic looks every time I step into the classroom! I don't want to patronized like some bunny rabbit!

       I just- I just want to be happy. I just want something to go right for me for once. Actually, there is one way out... "Alexander," Arlene waves a hand in front of my face, pulling me out of that whirlwind of thoughts, "we need to start." I can't take this interview. If I do, there is no way I'll be safe. I stay silent for a moment. "Ale-" "I can't do it." A short pause, "Excuse me?" She asks. Now Danny had made his way over here and was impatiently straightening his tie behind Arlene. "I said I can't do it. You can't force me to, and frankly I don't feel comfortable."

       Everything was really starting to get to me now. My chest weighed a ton, my stomach was sinking like the titanic, my palms felt like hot springs, my throat was tightening, and my legs felt like dead weight. My head was pounding and I felt like I was going to faint, but worst of all was how my heart felt. It was this horrible sting that I hadn't felt since the Caribbean. I felt so betrayed. For all I know my friends could be in on this sick game too. I feel my eyes start to sting. John, my best friend for my whole life, has probably been playing with me, as well. "I-I'm sorry..." I manage to mumble out.

       Then I run. I just couldn't stand any of it. I was being tricked, I was being played. See? No one really loves you after all. Oh. Well I guess I really should have listened to this voice in the first place. That voice had started to quiet down when I was with John. The thoughts were starting to recede, and I thought I could be happy. Just for once I was happy. Of course none of it was real. You should just kill yourself. You've tried so many times before, what's another one going to do. I need to get out of here.

       You do know that no one'll care, right? You're just another insignificant little toy; people just use you for entertainment, and there's a million of you anyway. You're nothing special. Clambering through the door of the news room, it violently slams into the wall behind it. All eyes are on me, most of them worried. "Hamilton!" I hear Danny plead from behind me. "Turn the cameras off. Turn 'em off goddamnit!" He instructs the news team.

       I take a couple quick steps forward and close the door behind me. I see John stand up quickly and approach me, and my knees finally give way, bringing me to the ground hard. I feel him pull me up from the floor, and I look up at him with teary eyes. "Alex? Sweetie, what's wrong?" I can feel the disbelief tightening inside my chest as I stare up at him. "I... I can't believe you." I say, just loud enough for him to hear. "A-Alex? I-what are you talking about?"

       "Y-You..." I can feel the hatred start to bubble, making a sickening mixture with the hurt and betrayed feelings. "YOU FUCKING LAIR!" I scream at him, shoving him off of me. What am I even doing? He looks hurt. What a good actor, but I think I'm the only one with the right to feel this way right now. "Alex, what's going on?" He's so petty, I can't believe him. "Just stop!" I yell, the tears streaming faster. Funny how no one else is doing anything. They wouldn't give a damn about me anyway.

       He doesn't speak back up. So I roughly yank my bag off of the floor and head towards the door, slamming it once I've left the room. Everything is so blurry from the tears. Fuck this. Fuck John. Fuck Thomas. Fuck everyone! I'm so done. So I bolt for a side exit, and run a safe distance away before pulling out my phone. I look to my right to see the trailers and another building, part of the school, and think, this is where it all started. I remember Thomas pinning me right up against this wall before we went to his house.

       There's a bitterness in the back of my throat. I let my thoughts wander back to the time my cousin killed himself, and I can still remember what the suicide note read:
"I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. Trust no one, it'll only let you down." Of course he had to be right. Of course John's up there, just ignoring all of our history. Of course Thomas was only messing with me. Now I'm all alone again. "Hey Siri?" I start into my phone.

       "Where's the nearest drugstore?"
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A/N: You can legit ignore the first A/N it didn't mean anything. It didn't make much sense either, so bleh. Super sorry for the late update, but I haven't had that much time lately. The first paragraph might seem jumbled as well cause I was tired and I didn't have my thoughts in order, so sorry. I hope you enjoyed????? See you later my sinners ~Trin