𝕥𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 • 𝕞.𝕔

chapter 5

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"I'm here," I could hear Emma's reassuring voice.

   I turned around and ran into her arms, hugging her tighter than I ever had. I hated myself, because I was always pushing her away. I was pushing away this beautiful girl away from me. Because I thought that she was too obnoxious, truly too chirpy, all in all too much. But I couldn't tell how thankful I was for having her. Without her, I would have been alone in this mess. And the way she looked at me, eyes full of nervousness, made me realise that she cared about this whole thing just as much as I did. And I thought to myself that she was the best friend I could ever have. Because she understood, and she was with me. I wasn't alone, like I was fearing. I stepped back and she sat me down, without saying a word. That was unlike her, and that made me even more uneasy. I knew that this wasn't her turn to talk, it was mine. And that made me inexplicably worried. I dreaded this.

"Lee, what happened?" she asked, her voice soft. She stroked my arm in a friendly manner. She was beautiful, I thought. She was wearing her strawberry blonde hair down, softly curled. Her big, green eyes were looking right into mine, as if waiting for something incredible to happen.

"I think I'm pregnant," I said without thinking. The words had came out unexpectedly, leaving me wondering and most of all, stunned. I had been afraid of this words for weeks, and now, I was saying it as if it was nothing at all. But it was, I told myself. It was.

"You can't be," she refused. "Lee, you can't be pregnant. You're too careful. Surely you must have verified whether he was wearing a condom or not."

"But I don't think I did," I shamefully admitted. "We were very drunk, Em."

She rolled her eyes, and took a deep breath. "Okay. Okay, I'm not judging you, but oh, my God."

"I'm not even sure I am!" I retorted, trying to convince myself. But it wasn't even convincing, it was lying. "Don't freak out, what am I supposed to do if you freak out? You're not the one worrying whether you're pregnant or not!"

"Then," she breathed. "You have to take a pregnancy test, if you're really that worried about it."

"I thought about it, but I'm scared."

She cocked an eyebrow and sighed. "No, really?"

"I can't be," I shook my head.

"You know what, we're going to go and find out. Stay here, I'll go pick up a pregnancy test."

"Get two or three. Or four."

"Okay," she nodded, not even bothered about the way that I had just asked her to buy that many pregnancy tests. She understood. "I'll grab a few, I'll be back in a minute. Please, stay calm. It'll be okay."

   I simply nodded my head and tried to smile. I knew this wasn't going to be okay. 

When she stepped outside the door, I ran a hand through my hair, feeling the nervousness making its way through my body. From my head to my toes. I could feel the worry flowing in my veins. I could hear my heart beating faster than usual. I started biting my nails, wishing that all of this wasn't real. I couldn't be pregnant, that couldn't be happening. I was twenty-one, for fuck's sake. What would I do with a baby? Surely, I was mature enough. But I had just gotten a job and I was ready to be independent. I was ready to take control and start to get confident about my capacities. A baby would put a stop to everything. All of these years I would've spent at school working harder than ever before? That would've been for nothing at all. My child wouldn't have grandparents, and if this stupid band member was the dad, then the poor child would be the unluckiest baby in the whole world.