𝕥𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 • 𝕞.𝕔

chapter 16

•••

    I woke up the next morning feeling relieved, but also kind of weird inside. I remembered everything that had happened hours before, and although it had been hard to fall asleep, I had somehow managed to get into a comfortable position at last, Michael behind me, holding tightly onto me. I could not start to think about the way we had spoken last night, after this very special... Kiss. I sort of regretted being so straight-forward, but then, I had noticed he hadn't hated it at all; considering the way he kept coming back for more.

Damn, how did it all happen?

Looking at him, I couldn't believe how far we had come. We'd gone a long way, and now, I was just starting to admit my feelings, and to act on them. And I think that what I was happiest about was the way that he seemed to feel the exact same way towards me as well, which was reassuring.

He was still sleeping, just like the usual. I didn't want to wake him up; he seemed so relaxed, content in this deep slumber, that I didn't even dare touching him, as much as I wanted to. I wanted to run my thumb along his jawline, to kiss his cheek slightly, to feel his eyelashes fluttering on my skin.

But instead, I just chose to stare at him, the breathtaking sight right in front of me seeming so strangely distant, but close and satisfying at the exact same time.

Just his mere presence was enough to make me feel at home. The more I realised that, the more I started to think about how silly I had been to want to conceal everything from him. Strange, how I had let myself go all of a sudden, giving in to the call of his lips on mine, to the need to be by his side, to the feeling to be stronger.

Now that we were the both of us, even if Emma would turn her back on me completely (and God knew this was bound to happen one day or another), I would still have him, and feel content, full, and most of all, secure.

He woke up minutes after, opening his eyes slowly. He let out a lazy yawn and instantly turned his face to me, wiping the sleep out of his eyes. He smiled.

"You are still here," he mumbled.

"Yes, I'm still here," I whispered back to him, before leaning in to kiss him lightly. I pulled back, and rested my head on his bare chest, as he wrapped his arm around me, and sighed deeply.

Not a sad sigh; something that sounded like satisfaction.

"Thanks."

"Oh, Michael Clifford, you have this very strange habit of thanking me whenever I am being kind to you."

"Oh, Lee Mann, let's just say you had this very strange habit of pushing me away whenever I did something wrong."

"I'm sorry, I know."

We stayed quiet after that, savouring the rawness of the moment, as if this had always been meant to be. I wanted to stay here. I knew that things would be hard, difficult, that we would argue -because let's be clear, we both were insanely different-, but I wanted to overcome it. He was the father of my child, for Goodness' sake, and I wanted him to be here.

Just be here with me, with us.

•••

"Stop being so stressed, you'll be sound."

I held tightly onto Michael's hand, waiting patiently for the pain and stress of this scan to go away. I had come to the hospital a few times in between the two scans, alone, most of the time. I didn't require for Michael to be here every single time; he was busy, and had a life, and so did I. Although that after last night's situation, something was telling me we would spend a lot more time together.

"Aren't you nervous that the baby won't be okay?"

"But it will!" he retorted, trying to stay quiet. Every heads was turned to us now. "What's the problem?"

No one replied, and I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I had done everything for the baby to be okay, and if it wasn't, I would hate myself for ever. I couldn't imagine it. I wanted to go feeling confident, just like Michael, but I couldn't. Something was preventing me from feeling completely relaxed.

When we entered the room after being called by our doctor, at last, I was feeling completely wrecked emotionally. I couldn't hide my fear, my apprehension, and the doctor noticed it straight away. He smiled, trying to reassure me, but I couldn't, and as we were talking about the next time we'd see each other, before proceeding to the scan, I couldn't completely focus.

Michael noticed it, and did the talking, for once.

When I finally got installed on this big, cold chair, I was holding Michael's hand. Too tight. He complained about me breaking his hand, which made me laugh a little. When the doctor pulled up my top, he seemed relaxed, and sure of what he was doing. Which would have made sense anyway, being a doctor- I was too nervous to even think straight.

"I am sure the baby is doing well," he said. "Are you nervous, Lee?"

"Uh, can you tell?" I choked out, Michael looking at me as if I needed to calm down. But I couldn't.

"Okay," he then talked to himself, putting the cold gel on my stomach. "Let's see how the little 20 weeks-old is doing."

After a few seconds, an image appeared on the screen. I was trying to look at it, to discern the shape of the body, but it was all too difficult. I could hardly see the baby.

"Well, Miss Mann, you're expecting two!" the doctor said enthusiastically.

"Are you joking?" I asked, wide-eyed. "Tell me you're kidding."

"I am, sorry," he chuckled to himself. For fuck's sake. "It seems that the baby is doing fine. No major abnormalities right now, at least, I can't see any. I'm going to check for a bit longer, but at first sight, everything seems alright."

Michael kissed my hand. "I told you."

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes, feeling as if everything was okay again. "Can we tell whether it is a boy or a girl?"

"Technically, we can, unless you don't want to."

"I don't want to know," Michael spoke up. When I looked at him annoyingly, he retorted. "I don't! Lee, I think it would be cool if we had a surprise. I mean, the baby itself is a surprise, but I'd be more excited if we didn't know. I mean, you do what you want, but I think I have a say in this."

I nodded. "Yeah, we'll wait then."

"Okay. Well then, it's healthy. And good. You needn't to worry about it. It's growing perfectly."

"Can you say exactly when it will be due?"

He put down the big, thick wand down and wiped the excess of gel off my belly. "Due date is November 15. Have you thought about it already?"

"I can't stop thinking about it," I admitted. "I'm so scared."

"Everybody gets through this once in a lifetime," he justified.

"Well, I don't," Michael said, smiling.

"Stop being a bitch," I rolled my eyes. "I just hope everything will turn out fine."

"It will," the doctor smiled. Crazy how he could make me feel at ease so well. "You're halfway there, Lee."

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