𝕥𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 • 𝕞.𝕔

chapter 25

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   When I woke up the next morning, my first reflex was to feel the spot next to me to see if Michael was by my side. He was not.

   I opened my eyes, and verified that he wasn't further away in the bed from me than the usual, and my heart sunk a little when I realised that I had been absolutely right, and that he wasn't sleeping by my side. I had the slightest bit of hope that he was already wide awake, making breakfast, and that I would go into the living-room to find him there. But when I got up and walked into the room, he wasn't here either. His guitars were still here, his things, too, the pictures he had brought with him hadn't vanished, which made me feel slightly better. 

I didn't think he had left home, just like that; what kind of person would I be if I thought he would leave just like that, with no reason? No reason, right? No reason.

   I kept thinking about our last conversation. As I stood there, pouring cereal in my bowl, I just couldn't stop repeating his last words in my head, trying to figure them out, to understand what he truly meant. From what I had deducted until now, he was doubtful, and he was fearful and defensive about what was going on. What I truly didn't understand was how it all had happened so fast. Those last two months, I had been surrounded by love whenever I was by his side. He was different from me, but at the same time, so alike; and he had been perfect to me, even when I doubted. I couldn't believe how quickly it had happened, and I wondered why everything had just hit him now. Harder than a truck.

   His explanation had been incoherent last night. Trying to discern what he had tried to say was making my head ache. I was just simply stunned at the fact that all of a sudden he had seemingly changed his mind. That just wasn't right, neither was it normal. Somebody must've twisted his brain, worked with each cell to make it despise me. Or maybe I was just overthinking, and that he at last, was really sick of it, sick of me. But I needed him, that was the part he didn't get; I needed him by my side. And I just wanted him to need me just as much, but right now, I didn't know.

   I went straight back to bed when I figured out he wouldn't be coming home anytime soon. Maybe he had left early for work- but when I checked my phone to see if he had sent me anything, I was disappointed. Nothing at all. It made me sort of angry. I could almost feel the blood in my veins boiling. I was furious that he had left just like that, leaving the case totally unresolved. When you shouldn't ever do that; because that would lead to the both of us just feeling like shit.

   I wanted him to come back soon, to be here with me, but somewhere deep inside, I was wondering if that odd conversation had meant... What I didn't want it to mean. I didn't want to think about it, but when I tried to figure everything out, I realised that perhaps it had been his way of breaking up with me. And this couldn't be happening. The thought of it made my heart sink, and my rage-filled heart became heavy, sadness taking over.

    What if he had really wanted to break-up with me, but couldn't find the words? What if he had said all of those things to make me happy, and that he didn't mean them? I clutched tightly onto my pillow, unwilling to think that this was even a possibility. He could certainly break-up with me; I had been such an asshole with him in the beginning. I had tried to get better, to make him feel at home. Meeting him had been like a surprise, a gift to me. I had seen it as a curse at first. 

   I mean, most of his old acquaintances thought the exact same about him; that he was trash. Somebody who could never love anyone. But one man's trash was another girl's treasure; my treasure. When he came along, everything had changed all of a sudden. It had been striking, the way our chemistry was working couldn't possibly be explained by science. Surprisingly. It was a once in a lifetime adventure, story, beautiful, sad, tragic, twisted. But we had learned to live with each other. We had figured each other out.

The darkest side of our pasts. I had told him everything; and he had done the same. And I still loved him, God, I adored him. He shone brighter than anybody else, I was seeing him even in my dreams, and finding him had been like finding that missing part of the puzzle in your life. And, Goodness, I wanted him to stay, and most of all, to feel the same way towards me.

   That was all I wished for.

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A/N: short chapter! longer ones coming up!