𝕥𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 • 𝕞.𝕔

chapter 8

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   I left the room feeling weak in the knees, still under the state of shock. I couldn't believe it, even for a second. What the hell, there really was a baby in my tummy, and it was here to stay. I didn't know whether to jump of happiness or get angry, everything was so confused, and my head was aching. I had so many things to think about, and I didn't want to. I wanted to be free and enjoy my young years. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready at all.

   I was still a kid, for fuck's sake. Everything but that. I'd always pictured myself having a baby in my early thirties... Which was ten years in the future from now.

   When we got out of the hospital, I took a deep breath of fresh air. I desperately needed it. I sat on a bench near the exit, in a small park-like garden just right before the parking lot. I put my head into my hands, and cried. For five long minutes. I didn't know if Michael was still here. I hadn't even bothered to check behind me as I'd gone outside. I wanted to be alone, but at the same time, I needed someone by my side.

   I felt a hand on my back, and I knew that he had followed me. I wiped my tears away from my face and looked back at him. He had that awkward expression on his face, as if he wasn't really feeling anything at all. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry," I sniffled. "But this is just a big mess."

"I know," he nodded.

"It feels like I'm the only one feeling the way I feel, right now. You seem so detached." 

"I'm trying not to be," he removed his hand from my back and grew defensive. "I just don't have the same reactions as you, okay? I don't cry like you do, I don't really cry easily at all so one day or another you're going to have to deal with it. Sorry that I'm not sorry."

I cried a bit harder. "You're horrible, unbelievable."

"Well, what do you expect me to say?"

"I don't know what I'm expecting," I fought back, choking on my own words. "It is all just such a mess and I don't know what to think. I had that job but I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose it with the whole pregnancy thing, I don't know you, and I have no one. And I barely know you. I really don't know why you and I do bother."

"Because the baby is mine too!"

"Then why do you act so uninterested in me, and in the baby?" I almost cried out, but refrained myself when I saw people walking nearby. "I'm only twenty-one, and you are twenty-two, and we won't be able to deal with all of this."

He adjusted his position on the bench. "I know I'm not great. I'm sorry."

"You say you're sorry but I don't think you are," I said stubbornly. "I know I'm a stranger to you, but with this whole situation, it's different from what it usually would be. I would accept that we don't like each other and move on. But Michael... I've been trying to get to know you so hard, and I was plain ignored. Is that something you do? Because if it is, you didn't need to come to the scan. It's either you're fully here, or you're not at all."

"I really am sorry!" he protested. "God, Lee, you don't get that I have my own things to take care of on the side."

"I'm almost surprised you even remember my name."

He shook his head, visibly upset. "Obviously. Well, since you want to argue, I'm just going to leave."

"If you leave,you don't get to come back," I ordered. "You are truly unbelievable, Michael."

   He stood up from the bench and took a few steps forward, before stopping. I could see him from behind. He didn't move any further, and just ran a hand through his hair. I didn't stand up to leave quite yet. I wanted him to prove that he wouldn't let me down, not this time. He had his part of responsibility in this story, and if he left now, I would feel betrayed.

"Okay," he turned around. "I understand your anger."

"I'm just having a lot of trouble processing everything. Is that wrong?"

"Of course not."

I sighed. "Okay."

He sat down again. "I'm not going to leave."

"You do understand I need you for all of this?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Of course."

"It's the last time it happens," I declared. "If not, then no need to come back. Ever. I just need you because you are the father, and it just seems normal that you'd be here. I know life is weird and that stupid shit happens, but this time, I really need you. Okay?"

"Okay," he responded. "I get it. I'm sorry I'm such a brat, I'm only twenty-two, and I'm still a teenager at heart."

"Well, Michael, so am I," I rolled my eyes.

"Technically," he stared at me in the eyes, smirking. "We are two strangers, both kids at heart, who are expecting a baby. How does that sound?"

"Terrible," I chuckled. "We are both in deep shit, Michael Clifford."

His fingers grazed the back of my hand lightly, which made me feel slightly better. How strange was it that a boy who could be so inconsiderate could appear so tender.

"Damn, Lee Mann," he shook his head, and his eyes met mine again. "That's for sure."

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