𝕥𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 • 𝕞.𝕔

chapter 40

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   I opened my eyes what must've been a few hours later. The sun was setting, and the light was dimmed. I guessed it must have been around five o'clock; in this season, days wouldn't last for very long, and it was hard to catch one sunbeam. Maybe that was why I liked winter that much. The fact that everything was so dark and comfortable. I had a problem with light; I often thought about it, and I wondered if it was quite normal for someone to worry about that this much.

   I still had a needle in my arm, and most of my lower body felt sore. My stomach especially, as well as my thighs. I felt sleepy and exhausted; although I had been sleeping for several hours. I didn't look around the room at first, concentrating on catching my breath first, to finally feel at ease with the atmosphere that was in the room. I felt as if I had just woken up from a hundred days worth of sleep. The sensation was ineffable; and when I came to the realisation of what had happened, today, on the 11th of November, in a day that was gloomy at first; it felt tight on my chest. I had trouble realising it all; all of the images in my head clashed together, creating a big, messy picture.

   I rubbed my eyes with my free arm, make-up coming off. I cursed under my breath and tried to adjust my position. I took a look around the room; and on my right, it was empty. The door was closed, and there was just this big monitor, and this seat in the corner. But when I looked to my right, a feeling of happiness went through me. As if a wave had washed away all of the pain that I had to endure during these long, weary months of pregnancy that had been such a torture in the end. No, the pain was replaced with this sensation of being privileged. There was no word that could have described the contentment that I felt in my head, which I felt had gotten a little heavier when I had noticed my daughter sleeping in her crib, and Michael dozing off in the seat next to her.

   I had the urge to cry, instantly. I had cried too much these past few days, and I was really wondering whether there would be enough tears left in my body to let my joy, my glee, but I kept it all inside. I was too tired to even scream in euphoria, or to do anything crazy at all; so I just laid there, staring at the both of them, smiling to myself in complete delight and enjoyment. Pure pleasure. That was it was all about. I had finally found my peace of mind.

  I took my eyes off Michael to focus on the baby. There she was. I leaned in to look at her. They had placed the crib right next to my bed, only two inches apart; and it made me feel comfortable. She looked so beautiful. I know they said that most of newborn babies wouldn't look as good as when they were growing older, but that was a lie. No one looked as gorgeous as this little sweetheart. She looked like a doll. Her lips were plump, just like Michael's, and she had the littlest turned-up nose I had ever seen. Her skin was this fair, rosy tone, and I just wanted to hold her and never put her down. But I was too tired, and no nurse was to be seen, so I just smiled down on her, and laid back in the uncomfortable hospital bed. I didn't want to wake Michael up as well. It must've been a rough day for him, just like it had been for me, so I let him sleep peacefully.

   It was crazy. Today, on the 11th of November, at around five a.m., she had decided to come. A little too early, but Goodness' sake, I could not explain how overjoyed and pleased by Jasey's presence. Choosing her name had been easy, a lot easier than I had expected it to be. Jasey Rae was both one of our favourite songs, and we had talked jokingly about it earlier. Never thinking we might, one day, actually name her that. She was supposed to be Belle, or Holly. But she looked like a Jasey, so be it. Belle had been chosen as her second name, because of the meaning. Beautiful in French.

"Lee?"

I turned to my left, and my gaze met Michael's.

"Hi," I just said.