𝕥𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖 • 𝕞.𝕔

chapter 9

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"I can't believe you are being so nice to him, Lee," Emma sighed, shuffling through the aisles of numerous clothes.

"I am sorry," I rolled my eyes, following her close as she was putting more and more clothes in her basket. Damn, where was she getting the money to buy that much stuff?

She shook her head, and turned back to me. "He ignores you for a month, and you just sit there and watch, and accepts as soon as he comes back to you? Imagine if he does that with the baby!"

I started losing patience, but kept calm inside. "He won't, we argued, and I told him everything you just said. Please, Em, don't be like that. You know how I am, I don't like arguing. But I can't help it, I am in deep shit and that's how it is, that's all."

"Mhm," she hummed, grimacing slightly. "Are you guys planning on seeing each other anytime soon? Are you going to ignore each other until the birth of the baby?"

"You are really being insensitive," I shook my head. "Are you quite finished?"

"I think I am, but get this, Lee," she groaned, while everyone around us was starting to stare. "He let you down enough times already, I'm just being protective. You need to understand that I will not tolerate him hurting you once more. If he acts like a brat again, I'll have to take care of it."

"Okay, Emma, okay."

   I loved her to death, but I had noticed the way she had changed. I couldn't complain; I knew she would stand by my side until the end. And that she would be the only one to do so, surely. I had Michael, but I didn't know him at all, and I couldn't say anything. Just yet.

   We got out of the shop and both went back at her house. She lived in this small flat in the borough of Camden, and I couldn't say I really liked going here. It wasn't as calm as where I lived, but it was still nice. It had this atmosphere... I liked it.

And it was rather practical for her, working in the pub that was just at the corner of her street. Emma opened the door and threw her shopping bags on her couch. She hadn't even bothered trying them all on; she was like that. Spontaneous, I'd say.

"I was just thinking," she finally spoke up. "How are you going to dress, now that you're going to be pregnant?"

"The same, I guess," I said, staring down at my already too-chubby-for-my-liking thighs.

She shrugged. "Have you thought about buying something for the baby yet?"

"No, I haven't, but I feel like it's too soon. I'm not even three months in."

She did not reply and took her shopping bags with her, and skipped to her room. I was left here alone, in her living room, playing with my fingers, playing until she returned. When she did, I said a quick goodbye to her, and simply left.

   I walked to the nearest underground station. It would always be crowded at this time; a Saturday afternoon like this, everybody would be walking around town, taking the train home. I walked fast through the corridors, trying not to get too close to people. I usually liked how secure it felt in here, strangely, not like in other cities like New York City or Paris; but lately, I'd been feeling more vulnerable than ever. Maybe because I hadn't been carrying one, but two persons in one body. I tried to omit the fact that someone else was living inside of me, but it was very difficult. 

   Telling myself that I wasn't the only one in this body seemed too alien for me. But that was what it was, now wasn't it? The words were resonating inside my head while I was walking into the train, my knees turning to rubber when I slowly realised what it all meant. I had tried to think about it until now, but couldn't bring myself to it. It was too hard, too much to take it all in at once. I had to take baby steps; if I somehow managed to be able to do the first one.

  When I sat in this tiny little seat, next to complete strangers, I started thinking about Emma. She had changed so much those past weeks; it almost left me afraid that I wouldn't recognise her soon. She'd gone cold, only talking to me about my pregnancy, with an uninterested tone. It was sort of sad, and really, I was starting to feel melancholic about the person she once was. It was as if I was reduced to what had happened to me. And she was no longer truly Emma. The redhead with an effusive personality, who laughed and smiled at everything. 

   She had grown up all of a sudden; in the wrong way. Maybe I had changed into her eyes, and that was what hurt the most. We used to be so close, and now, it was as if she was drifting away from me. Distancing herself from everything I was.

   I felt a bit blue considering the fact that perhaps, she had made up her mind about me. That I was just a slut, an old friend who had turned out badly; like those girls you see on television shows, like Teen Mom. I never thought I'd be one of them.

But apparently, Karma had come back to bite me right in the ass. Well done, Lee. Clever thing to do back then.

But I didn't know what I knew now, sadly.

   When I arrived home, I sighed, feeling stifled by the warmth of the day. July was a pain in the neck, I liked spring or autumn much more. 

I was awful at keeping track of time- the due date was sometime in January, and everything was going by so fast.

I typed Michael's number into my phone, and without really thinking about it, called him. I needed to see someone, I couldn't stand being alone more, only relying on Emma.

He picked up straight away.

"Lee Mann."

"Michael Clifford," I smiled. "How are you?"

"I am good. What do you want?"

"Coming over tonight," I said, not really thinking about the consequences. "Can I?"

He didn't reply for a few seconds. "Yeah. Of course, I'll be waiting."

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