He sits me down
My heart skips a beat
THUD
THUD
THUD
My father never does this
He's serious
My eyes meet his
They're bloodshot from crying
I recognize the signs
But nothing can prepare me for his next words
Everyone of them is like a needle in my heart
The desperate realization
That my heaven isn't permanent
That even with everything
Things go wrong
I feel the hot tears coming
Before they reach the surface
I feel the sobs get stuck in my throat
They suffocate me
But the threat to let them loose is worse
So they sit there
Stuck
Stuck like I am in this situation
Stuck without knowing
Stuck just thinking about the future
Stuck just pondering about my family
Because I can't do anything else
Wondering about the fate of my family
Consumes my energy
Sucks my life from me
Uncertainty kills me from the inside
My family is everything
I can't lose it over ONE mistake
ONE thing that destroys
ONE thing that is the bane of my existence
ONE thing that I don't even know what it is
But what can I do?
The answer is nothing
No matter how hard I try
Or what I do
It won't help
So, I sit here
My head hurting from thinking
My eyes stinging from crying
My heart burning with anxiety
My body shaking with rage
My throat tightening with every word
I take my time to deep breathe
I won't show the little ones what is wrong
I won't let them know
That our family is teetering on the edge of a dangerous cliff
Just waiting to drive over and smash to little bits
I won't let them sink into my despair
I will smile
I will play with them
I will hug them close and tell them how much I love them
Because tomorrow if we fall apart
I will still love them
I will still be there
NEXT UPDATE AUGUST 6
YOU ARE READING
Sad Souls
PoetryThings I never had the courage to say aloud but wrote down instead, hoping that one day another soul like myself would come across it; hoping that someday someone could relate and be able to say 'I am not alone.' ♡Poetry♡ (Cover wasn't drawn by me)
