As long as it lasts (english)

00. Brother

Art by: marys-artwork.

Taehyung

23/09/17

When I came back to see Jimin since our families separated we cried, I cried more than anyone. They came back from three years ago and when we saw each other we were teenagers, I drowned, because seeing him was blinding.

And I was already blind.

I spent four days at home, not exaggerating, we were not just best friends. We had a bond, we were brothers. We were born the same year, we had always been together and to see Jimin was my goal.

'You're beautiful' said 'you're beautiful, Tae'

What teenager tells that to another guy, I think he was in love. I was in love with Jimin's idea, to have him by my side and spend every day with him, knowing how lucky I was.

God, I was so lucky.

I suppose something so good could not be eternal, if the world knew that it was going to lose something as precious as Jimin, why did not it do anything? Why did he allow it?

Why?

He was never going to get over it, no one would ever become like him. There was nothing in the universe as bright as Jimin and nothing was going to help me to overcome it. I guess it was only durable, you just did not have to get accustomed and appreciate more what you have. Because it is valuable, a lot.

So, if fate exists, from the first moment did Jimin live to die? Was her whole life good and then finished? Like this, without further ado?

Taehyung.

I hate my name.

I hear him at the end of every bad dream, with his voice, it's Jimin. In the cold water face up, it is him.

Past

12/13/11

'-Brother, what are you doing? He looks at me for a second and smiles, turns his gaze to the sky.

-Watching -he says, I climb into the water beside him and look at him. The dark sky is the only thing that accompanies us.

-What?

-The universe - I lie beside him and let my body float, I hear his laughter.

-It sucks.

-No, not Taehyung -he pauses and looks up -it's beautiful.

No, it's not Jimin.

The universe is wicked and evil, dark and devilish. It will give you the most beautiful thing in the world and then you will take it away, you can never love anything like it again. Because you will be afraid that it will disappear and all that for the damn universe.

But it's okay, because there's nothing I can do and you're not real now.

I remain seated when the others get up and it is not until Minerva grabs me by the arm that I get up. I look around without knowing, I was shaking my pencil looking at the wall, I was not paying attention.

Again.

I sigh and run my hands over my face, I see the girl next to me looking worried. Should I pretend? You have to lie to the people you care about when you do not want them to worry, but do I care for my Minerva enough?

-You're okay? -she puts his hand on my forearm and his tired seat.

She stares at me and takes off the blue cap I give her to put in my backpack, tosses me a little and caresses my dark circles.

-I'll walk you home so you can sleep -I'm not going to be able to sleep anyway.

I follow her and when she realizes that she is grabbing me she turns red and looks at me, I see my cousin with Yoongi and how fast he leaves. Maybe if he tries to go to sleep, I would like to try it with him, maybe if he holds me tight I do not have nightmares.

Minerva begins to walk and seeing that I am in the clouds it picks me up again and almost drags me up to my street, I do not complain, it helps me. When a few steps remain, he looks at me and quickly rings the bell, not even asking me for the keys.

Yes, she's worried. I do not even think about others, I only suffer and do not look at anyone else.

The door opens showing my mother with bags under her eyes and smiles. It is my fault that she is like this, she has tried to help me tonight and we have stayed awake, I for the nightmares, she for me.

Cookie wanted to try to sleep alone and consequently also has dark circles, it has been strange with me for a day.

Minerva looks at both of us and seems to understand.

He makes me pass with her in front and leaves her things on the ground with care. He takes my backpack and jacket and looks at my mother, who is still smiling.

Poor, it's shattered.

-Do you have something to do now? - Minerva asks my mother, she shakes her head with amusement.

-I've been working at the hospital all morning, but I'm done.

Minerva smiles and looks at me.

-Well, I'm going to make you tea and you're going to rest, and with your permission I'm going to take Taehyung to his bed to do the same.

-I'd love that, thank you.

-You can go up to your room, now I'll upload it -my mother caresses his shoulder and up the stairs.

-How strange you are -I say, closing my eyes and letting myself fall on top of him, paying no attention to anything but his perfume.

-Not yet -she holds me up and with a little strength pulls me up again. "Put something comfortable, I'll make your mother's tea and I'll be up in a few minutes.

I seat, not wanting to talk and I climb the stairs like a zombie, when I get upstairs my mother is peeping out her door and looking at me smiling.

-She's a great girl - She shows me her two thumbs and walks a bit- Do you like it?

-Mom -I complain like a child.

-Okay, okay, just said - look behind me in case someone comes and smiles again - I like, I have not let happen that has called you by your full name.

I think before I talk, I know, it's kind of weird between the two.

-I think she likes Cookie -I say in despair, and she pats, when I hear footsteps I burst into my room.

I put on my head the usual short-sleeved T-shirt and pajama bottoms on the bed, I hear knocks on the door.

-Ahead.

Minerva looks up and smiles.

-Your mother is a very pretty woman -she says happily, if she knew they would flatter each other.

I throw myself on my bed and she closes the curtains, I do not want to close my eyes.

-Stay -I say, grabbing her arm, looking surprised but not displeased. She sits on my bed and I lay my head on her lap without thinking much, she caresses me.

She's so sweet.

-I'll stay until you fall asleep - I nod in approval and cover myself with the blanket, cuddle up and think of my cousin, and then I'll talk to him.

I'm betraying him with his girl but this will be the last time.

-You rest - I hear his voice, but it mixes in my mind and echoes Jimin's, I smile.

-Thank you - I said unwillingly, but I do not hear anything else.

I do not know if it's the hands of the girl I like or those of my brother who caress me but this time and only this time, I have not had nightmares for a long time.

And I'm fine.