A Twist of Fate SERIES (Pentatonix)

(32) Worth It

( SCOTT )

After Christmas-that-doesn't-feel-like-Christmas and New-Year's-that-doesn't-feel-like-New-Year's, the entire crew—Jonathan, Ryan, Ben, Esther, Kevin, Avi, Kirstie, Mitch, and I—all gather in Jonathan's office to figure out a future plan. By now, all of our remaining shows have been postponed, though there hasn't been another update on the tour's status since mid-December. For the most part, everyone's even stayed off of social media, too, and we've declined any interviewers' requests at digging into our personal lives. In a brief meeting following the funeral, before we released a statement about Mike and Nel's deaths, we decided that revealing they were murdered the same night Avi and I were shot and nearly died would wreak too much havoc and distress among the fandom.

So, needless to say, we decided against it.

The statement included the mention of Mike and Nel's sudden passings, that Mitch was holding up (even though that was a lie at the time), that Scott and Avi were severely injured after night one in Nashville but they're recovering nicely, and that the future of Pentatonix would be determined and released shortly. 

These last few weeks of laying low have invoked lots of unnecessary anxiety and eagerness to actually do something. Since we'd been working literally nonstop for nearly twelve months straight, you'd think that a much needed break would be beneficial and healthy.

In reality, though, we're really just not sure what to do with ourselves at this point. Tonight, if we were still touring, we'd be playing in Toronto. We'd probably be doing a soundcheck, hanging out in our dressing rooms or doing a little sight-seeing before VIP stuff. But, unfortunately, that's not the case—and instead of being tourists, we're back to being businessmen and women in our manager's office.

"Okay," Jonathan says, resting the palms of his hands on the recently polished surface of his desk. His eyes dart from one person to the next. "I may be your manager, but, at a time like this, I don't want to just be your manager—not that that's really ever been the case. I want you guys to tell me what you want to do, how you want to move forward. I'm open to anything."

Mitch, who's currently sitting on my lap, looks down at me with a straight face; although, to everybody else in the room, it probably looks blank and unreadable, I know exactly what he's thinking, what he wants to do, what he wants me to say.

I quietly clear my throat, and then turn my head towards Jonathan, saying, "For the last couple of days, Mitch and I have actually been talking about continuing tour. Just because it's what we all love to do. And even though it's going to be emotionally painful and distressing and we're likely going to be extremely paranoid the whole time, it'll still be worth it in the end."

"Nothing compares to the rush of adrenaline that hits right when we step out on stage and listen to the crowd become increasingly louder and louder as each one of us individually lights up," Mitch adds. "And I'm willing to take the risk to feel that rush every night."

Jonathan nods thoughtfully, subconsciously tapping his pen against his chin. Before he can share his opinion, though, Kirstie pipes up. "I actually have to agree. Tour is just so... fun. And, I mean, what's the point of spending all that time making an album and preparing for a tour for weeks on end when we're just going to cancel it a quarter of the way through?"

"For security reasons," Ryan points out. "For privacy and personal reasons." He leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "We've all been dragged through a lot of shit lately, and it's terrifying to think that somebody is out there with their eyes set on bringing you five down—whether it be career-wise or, like, life-wise. Even though the two who got Scott and Avi have been put away, the ones who got,... um, Mitch's parents haven't." Mitch tenses up, and I press my hand against the inside of his thigh comfortingly; he places his hand over it.