30 Days In Rehab

Day 13: Saturday

I sit on the edge of my bed, my foot tapping every 10 seconds. I haven't slept in 24 hours. I've tried but every time I close my eyes I get the sensation that I am falling and it wakes me back up. I'm taking it as a sign from the lord that I need to be awake for something; if I sleep I might miss something.

I thought that after hearing that news I would be going through the motions but I've been pretty numb which I am enjoying. Daniel was murdered. Daniel allowed himself to be murdered. So basically it was suicide still. I don't know why but saying it like that takes away the sting of just saying 'he killed himself'. And I believe I've had a breakthrough of my own. I recognized that it isn't my fault. I wasn't the cause of his death. He... felt so guilty that he allowed them to do that to him. I didn't enable him or force him to stand there and let that happen. It wasn't my fault.

I spot my door opening through my peripheral vision. I turn to face it, finding Tee, who's sporting a sad smile, and Andrew whose face is blank. I smile lightly at them, waving them in. "Good morning." I greet. Tee furrows her eyebrows, "Oh baby, look at those bags under ya' eyes! Have you slept?"

I shake my head, "Nope, I might miss something."

"Miss what?" She tilts her head. I shrug, " Whatever I'm meant to see." Andrew nods, leaning against the wall, starring at my ceiling light, "I remember that feeling. The day I got that phone call, I couldn't sleep for 3 days after that."

"The call that he was gone?" Andrew shakes his head, "No, the call that he was murdered." What? "What?" I question. "When did you get the call?" He shrugs, "5 days after I was told he was gone." I stand up, "What?! Why didn't you tell me?!" My eyes fly to Tee, "Did you know?!" I snap. She hangs her head, looking away from me. "How could you keep that away from me for such a long time?! Do you know what you could've saved me from?! Do you know how much the thought of him killing himself because of me tore through me?!" I shout, my eyes narrowed at Andrew.

A mean expression posses' his face, "That's something y'all had in common; both of y'all are selfish as hell. In case you forgot, Stephanie, you weren't the only one that was fucking grieving!" He points out, no longer leaning against the wall. He points at me, "Yeah you lost ya' boyfriend but I," He points at himself, "fucking lost my brother! That man had been in my life for 12 plus years so I'm sorry if I didn't immediately pick up the phone to tell you that he was murdered!" He effectively shuts me up and even makes me cry. "I'm sorry." I mutter, my hands gathering under my chin.

"You're sorry?! Yeah, you are sorry. You were so selfish with him, even after fucking death you act like he was only in your life! He was basically your world with the way that you acted like he was all you had."

"No," I defy, "I didn't act like he was the only one I got!"

"Yes the fuck you did! From the moment that I told you he was going to be released from jail you basically dropped Tee!" he says, pointing at a quiet tee, "You wrapped yourself in his life and the only time you really interacted with Tee was when you needed someone to destroy his house with. And even now... the only time you really talk to her is unless is about you and your wellbeing, how you feel about him, and that damn strip club. When was the last time you asked Telara how her day was? Hmmm? Did you know that she got in a car accident last week? Hmm? Did you know that she totaled her car and has been using one of mine?"

"She didn't tell me." I respond while shaking my head.

"Because you didn't ask!" He snaps, "She got a lot on her plate-- shit, she got a fucking concussion, and she's still trying to make sure you're fine! All'at talking y'all been doing, did you even notice the damn blood clot that's in her eye?! The one that's making her feel insecure. Darren called her about your outbursts and guess what? She left the damn hospital room to come see 'bout you and when she went back, they gave her room away so she had to wait even longer to be seen! She didn't leave the hospital till 2 in the morning yesterday. She hadn't been to sleep when she came to me and told it was time to tell you."

"I didn't know!" I shout. I look to Tee who's eyes meet mine, "Tee, why didn't you tell me?" I ask quietly. "Hey!" Andrew calls. I reluctantly look at him to find him leaning against the wall again, "I'm talking to you right now. You can talk to her later. There's an actual reason as to why I'm here today. I took so long to tell you he was murdered because from the second I found out I had been looking for the niggas that did it."

"And you found them." I assume. He nods, "I've come to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?"

"I'm gonna kill them niggas and once I do yo' little detective friend is gonna book me. He's been on my case since he found out that Daniel was killed because he knew I was going to retaliate."

"So you're just going to throw your life away like that?" I exhale, "I mean what would Daniel do?"

"He would do the same damn thing." His voice is harsh. Andrews face seem dark; his eyes are sunken in a little, his beard is unkempt... He has accepted his decision. "So that's it?"

He nods, "that's it. I only came to say bye but I got sidetracked. I have to leave now."

"Wait you're doing this today?!"

"In an hour." Tee answers quietly. She stands, placing her bag on her shoulder. "I'm dropping him off at the place Steph so I'm sorry, but I can't stay today."

"Telara you can't possibly be fine with this! I mean, he's going to go to jail!"

"I know," she says, "we've already talked about this and have come to an agreement."

"What agreement? What possible agreement could you have come to?!" I shout. If things go wrong, they could look at Tee as a partner in the crime for simply taking him there! "Look Stephanie, don't worry about it. Just know that there's a plan." And with that she turns and walks out the room, Andrew following behind her with a slight wave goodbye to me.