30 Days In Rehab

Day 23: Tuesday Pt.2

The room is a sterile white and a deadly silent. 3 pairs of eyes find mine as I walk to the lone chair that sits in front of the long white table with the help of my crutches. A pair of familiar eyes crinkle at me, a grin emerging on the persons face.  I return the smile, nervously tugging at my suit jacket. I awkwardly scuffle to the seat, listening to my almost too tight pants stretch as I sit.

"Stephanie McCray, 27, about to be 28, and a new business owner. Brought in because of a mental break caused by domestic violence, the death of a baby and a loved one. I've learned that youve met one of the board members as apparently made a great so tell me Ms. McCray, why do you believe that you are ready to join the outside world."

I clear my throat, "well... up until half an hour ago, I didnt believe that I was ready."

"And why is that?" Asks the pale white man that sit between the women. "Because I thought that there was things that I hadn't discussed so I was not over them. It wasn't until my counselor pointed it out to me that I realized that I had anaylzed the problems within myself and solved them."

"Problems such as?" Asks the woman. The woman I had met previously is simply sitting there with her arms folded as she smiles at me. "Um, I had thought I hadn't forgiven my now deceased boyfriend for what he had done to me, being the ultimate cause of me losing my child before I knew it existed."

"So you believe that you healed yourself in a way?" She scrutinizes. "I do now. But I definitely do not take full credit, speaking to the people that I've spoken to have definitely helped me in this journey."

"So in your own opinion, without thinking about what anyone has said to you," begins Ms. Gilmore, "do you think you need a few more days to solidify your newly found mental health or do you believe that if you were to walk out of these doors, right now, your mental health would be stable?"

I press my lips together and look to the floor, choosing how I respond to her question carefully. If I say the wrong thing, they might keep me here. " I believe that no one is 100% healthy as far as their mental state. Everyone has one or two demons that they have to fight. But as for me, I feel as though I've proven that I am capable of fighting and defeating those demons on my own. Staying here while that happens would not speed up nor slow down that process. But going home, to a place of comfort, would give me the love of those who care about me and the privacy to deal with them. So yes, I do believe that if I left now my mental health would be stable."

She smiles and nods at me in approval before finally picking her pen up and writing something down. I glance at the other two, both of them staring at me with blank faces. "Well Ms. McCray, we need time to deliberate on what you said and when we are done, we will call you back for our decision." The man dismisses. I nod as I pick up my crutches and leave the room.

—-

A knock on my door interrupts me and Tee laughing. The door opens a second later, Ms. Gilmore sticking her head in and scanning the room until she finds me. She grins, "hey Stephanie, you mind if I come in?" I shake my head quickly, "not at all, tew this is Ms. Gilmore, a member of the board that I was just speaking to and Ms. Gilmore, this is Telara, mostly known as Tee." They greet eachother before Gilmore takes a seat on my bed. "My visit is due to we the board making our final decision on whether or not you should leave or stay in this place."

My heart drops... just a little.

"Based I the testimony of several employees in the building that has had the pleasure of speaking to you, along with your answers to our questions, we've decided..." she pauses dramatically, glancing between me and Tee. Seconds tick by before Tee exhales, "Miss, enough, can you say it already?" She says annoyed. Gilmore laughs, "I'm sorry, I just love to pause right before I tell someone they can go home." My eyes widen and my heart drops to my ass. "Okay that's nice and all but we wanna know-"

"Tee shut up, she said I could go home!" I exclaim, a grin developing on my face.

"When?" Tee questions, confusion taking over her face. "Just now." Gilmore answers with a chuckle. "You lying!" Tee exclaims before jumping up, spinning around in circles as Gilmore confirms that she is indeed telling the truth. "Yes! Finally!" Tee shouts.

I simply sit there in a bit of shock as the feeling of freedom settles over me. I can leave. It's unbelievable.

"You can leave at anytime but the paperwork will be complete tomorrow so I do recommend that you stay the night until all affairs are in order." Gilmore says quickly when she sees Tee pulling my clothes out of the drawers. Tee and Gilmore engage into a conversation about something I'm far from interested in.

Instead I sit on my bed and stare at my hands. I can go home. Home... I don't even have one. I don't have a lot of things anymore. So this is going to be a fresh start in my life. New business, new home, and of course, a new nephew to give all my love to. I glance at Tee who meets my eye and grins as she rubs her baby bump.

But I'm not alone. No, I'm not alone. And now I'm healed, or at least I'm moving towards being healed. But that doesn't matter. As long as I'm moving towards something in life, I know I will be fine.