A "The Fault in Our Stars" Fanfic: Infinity's End

Part 6: Connected

Heya!  Here's another chapter/part for you all and I hope you enjoy it!  Okay?

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As I hear his words, I gasp in surprise.  The others react to this as well, because I catch Patrick's eyes moving from Evan to me, but for only a second.  Issac shoulders me too, assuming that his shoulder bump meant, "Hey, he has lung cancer like you."  I scan my eyes across the room, and realize all of the attention that was once on Evan, is now all on me.  Soon enough, Evan follows everyone else, though  doesn't look as sure about why everyone has their eyes on me all of a sudden, but still begins to stare at me like the others. Silence fills the room for a few moments, and I assume that everyone wants me to share next, so I do.

As I rise from my chair, I say, "Hi, I'm Hazel.  I, too, have lung cancer, and I am...okay."

I say okay, and immediately imagine what "he" would say..."Okay?".  And I would answer, "Okay."  My eyes water a bit, so I quickly blink them away before anyone notices.  Though, I'm apparently not quick enough, and Evan takes a step closer to me.  Quietly, so only I could hear what he says, he whispers, "Hey, uh, are you okay?"  My eyes water a bit more, so instead Evan takes a step back to where he was standing before.

"You have lung cancer just like me..."  he says in a hushed voice that rarely anyone could hear as he steps back, finally for God's sake realizing what I had just said.  I nod slowly, and soon everyone nods along.

After a few seconds of waiting for what to do next, Patrick speaks up, "Well then, Evan and Hazel have already shared, so, Issac, it's your turn."

Issac says the usual, and slowly everyone around the circle shares...

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After Maya finished sharing, we all gathered together and joined hands, closing our eyes while praying, "We pray that..." and Patrick read off all the names of the teens with cancer that attended Support Group who had died before us in a never-ending list, I only paying close attention to when he calls out the 64th name on the list, "...Augustus Waters...", and then dose off into my own thoughts. After the 176th name was called, Patrick, taking in a breath of air, says, "...and everyone else who wasn't as fortunate as us and had passed away before us meet you in heaven one day, lord.  We thank you for giving us a chance, or more to live, and we pray for those who are in high risk of not getting those second chances due to cancer and any other illness.  We thank you for the gift of life, lord.  Amen."  "Amen.", we all repeat in unison.

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While we clean up (since Support Group is now over), and stack up the chairs in one prodigious pile, I walk over to the refreshments table and pour in one last Dixie paper cup of orange juice.  I gulp it down, thirsty, wanting more, and place it down on the table, about to pour in another cup, until I suddenly realize who's been standing in front of me.  Evan.

"Hey there."  he says to me as I let go of the Dixie paper cup.

"Uh, hi." I reply, not knowing what to say next.

"So... um, I just wanted to check back on you, you're okay now, right?"  he asks me with concerned emerald eyes.  Every time I hear the word, "Okay.", I somehow always tense up and then tears collect in my eyes.  It just means so much more than you would think.  Than anyone would think.  A word that only Gus and I share together and will always share.  It's special to me.  And it hits me like a grenade every time I hear someone else say it.

I clear my throat and answer, "Uh, yeah, I'm fine.  It was nothing."

"No, don't say that.  I can see it.  You're lying.  It was something." he responds back to me and walks closer to me slowly,  "It's okay.  You can tell me."  he says to me with warm eyes.

Immediately I step back, "I barely even know you!  Why would I trust you?!   You could be an identity stealer or serial killer!"

Aware of my defensive response, he replies, "Oh, hah, yeah, oh course I'm a serial killer!  How did you find out?!" his words make me laugh, and he laughs as well.

"Hey, look, I'm being serious now," he says after he's finished laughing, "I know what you are going through, lung cancer sucks, doesn't it?"  Slowly my smile fades.

"No, no that's not why I was like-"

"I go through everything you've probably gone through.  Lung cancer sucks.  Cancer sucks.  Everything sucks.  Period."  I realize that he didn't hear what I had said, so I begin to open my mouth to repeat it, but then I realize that if I try to repeat what I had said, he's going to ask more about it, so instead I dismiss the topic and continue to listen to him.

I answer, "Cancer is a side effect of dying."

"It sure is." he says, and sighs.  I sigh as well.

"I just wish that I have never gotten diagnosed with cancer.  I don't want to hurt anyone I love." he says more quietly this time and lowers his head towards the ground.

"That makes two of us."  I reply, and stare at his thick blob of light chestnut hair on his head as it is lowered.

"I'm like a ticking bomb, any moment now I feel like I'm going to explode and just hurt everyone, and I don't want to."  he says to me as he raises his head to look at me.

"I'm a grenade."  I tell him, and he nods.

"Me too." he simply replies.

As he says this, I feel something.  I haven't felt it in so many years, because it just seems like no one has understood me best since Augustus, but I feel that feeling again...

I feel connected.

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Thanks everyone for reading this long chapter!  It took me a bit longer to type than usual!  And please if you know anyone who loved TFIOS, tell them about my fanfic!  And remember to hit that vote button!  Thanks everyone, and see ya all later.  Okay?