Chapter Six

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Lexa's POV

The movie was good. I guess. I wasn't paying attention though. I couldn't keep my eyes off her, the way her blue curious eyes seemed so absorbed by the movie. How her lips instinctively twitched into a smile at moments,how she tucked in a piece of her hair behind her ear. I realized she does that a lot when she's nervous. Once when we were getting our tests back. And usually when she has to speak in front of the class or someone she wants to impress.

She never does it around me. But she did for him. Finn. He was a past member of our gang, that until he began a long distance relationship with a girl. A girl named Clarke Griffin. They met online and wouldn't stop talking since, he would go and visit her then come back and gush about her. Until one day I couldn't take it. I took his leather jacket and burned it then vowed he could never come back.

For falling in love in the gang is a punishment. That's what Costia tells me.
Just a toy, nothing more. Remember Lexa, love is weakness. It makes you weak, you use others for pleasure not for love.

That's all I could think about as I looked at Clarke. Love is weakness. I cannot fall in love. I can't afford it. Not right now, not yet. And for those reasons is why love is punished in our gang. Sure, you may have affairs but it cannot get in the way of our work. If it does it puts your significant other and yourself in danger.

Other gangs will learn of your significant other and use it as an advantage. That's what happened with Lincoln's past affair. He loved her and she loved him, I allowed it only because it would pain me to see him upset. But I didn't let the others know that. But soon the other gangs found out. One in particular, their leader Nia captured Lincoln's love and shot her, leaving the body to be found by Lincoln.

So, once we learned of Finn's affair and how it was the reason he wouldn't be found almost at all times, I ended it. I told him to either end it with her or end it with us. He chose her. So we punished him. We kicked him out and burned his jacket then made him vow to never set foot near us.

But he's back. With her. I just have to accept it, she's straight and has a boyfriend. And you are not exactly free right now. Not yet. Not while Costia is still in control. But, for some reason it still hurt. It still hurt to watch her give herself away to him so easily. It hurt to see them talk, it hurt to see the smile she gave me a few seconds ago being given to him. It hurt to know that she's not mine and can't ever be mine.

As I exited the movie, deciding to leave Clarke behind just in case she wanted "privacy", I felt a warm hand grab mine causing electricity to spark through my arm into my wild heart. My vision blurred a bit, taken aback by the feeling. I have never felt it before. I never felt this when Costia touched me.
Love is weakness. I pulled my hand away,giving her a cold emotionless look. I heard hurried footsteps and a masculine voice shout,

"Clarke!"
I looked over my shoulder to find Finn jogging up besides me, a low growl formed at the back of my throat at the sight of him.

"Your boyfriend's here" I growled before walking off. I felt a warm feeling in my chest. But not a good warm feeling, it hurt and made me sick. I had to get out of here before I get another look at his smug face. I can't do this. I can't keep seeing her. It hurts. But I took one more peek of her that night, her blue eyes meeting mine. Blue met green.

As I walked down the street eventually finding my way home, I felt my back pocket buzz, I took out my phone to find Lincoln's name appear on the screen. After a few seconds,I decided to answer it or he'll keep bickering about it to me.

"Hello?" I sighed out, holding the button for the gate. A buzz was heard then after a few minutes, nothing. Seems like nobody is home.

"Where did you go? Why'd you leave?" He snapped but also sounded worried.

"I have homework and so do you." Of course this was a lie, but I didn't want to worry him of Lincoln. Him and Finn have a troubled past together.

"Since when do you care of getting your homework done?"

"Since now" I grunted, climbing up the gates and jumping down. Now my shirt was more grey than white, great.

"Is it because-"

"Night" I shot his question down and ended the call.

I wasn't dealing with this. Not today. I had a big day tomorrow, a meeting with the other clans was planned at Polis park. All 12 clans have been holding meeting there ever since the 1950's. Only of course the commanders of each clan were allowed to partake in the meeting.
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I couldn't sleep. I usually could never sleep the night before meetings. After a couple hours of helplessly turning and adjusting my pillow, I decided to head out for a walk in the park. I grabbed my pocket knife along the way, I always took it with me just in case I ran into trouble. I decided to slip on a hoodie and jean shorts along with flip flops on the way out.

A shiver ran down my spine as I stepped out, my breath visible in the cold air. I heard the pitter patter of rain hitting the ground and falling against my hoodie. I pulled up my hood, stuffing my cold hands into my pockets as I walked in the dark park. It was empty. Or at least I thought. My fingers instinctively grasped around my knife as I saw a bent over figure sitting on the bench. I slowed down my steps enough that they were barely heard, my breathing faint as I tried to make myself as unnoticeable as possible.

"Clarke?"

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