six inch heels (a.t.) (ON HOLD)

19.

(dedicated to PrettyBrownPrincessa because she's amazing!! and by the way, both abel and aria are twenty-six in the story.)

~

lexi's pov

"fuck!" I scream out as I watch abel bolt out of his loft.

all these years i've lived in miami, I tried so hard to just forget my past life because it brought so much pain to think about. it was just so troubling to constantly think about.

I pushed everything out of my mind, including the guy who i've now learned is abel, even if it meant losing that memory of love he gave me.

I feel terrible at the fact that I could just brush him off so easily like that, like what we had didn't mean anything. I meant it ten years ago when I said I loved him and I still do today.

all I wish is that he could see it from my point of view, even though I get why he's feeling the way he is. I never thought i'd see him again, so I thought it would just be better to forget about the pain.

and for a while, it worked, it really did. after about the first year or so, I stopped constantly looking at the memories and easier myself away from it. I had it locked away safely from my mind.

but when I found abel again, he changed it all. he changed the way I felt about the world around me, he showed me how to see color in a world where I thought everything was black and white. but little did I know he was the same guy who did that same thing ten years ago.

and it's taken me the seven years since i've left to realize that it was selfish for me to not even to take his feelings in to account when I left toronto.

all I remember is the anxiety and voices that were lurking in my head that day I left. it was only about me, I didn't realize I would have such an affect on abel. I always doubted that someone truly loved me inside and out because how emotionally broken I was.

thanks, dad.

but the worst part is that I could've caused him to end his own life for me. it's taken me all this time to know he really does love me because there was always a voice in my head telling me i'm worthless and will never be good enough for him.

and now I don't know where he is at all. I tried calling his phone a few time for the past ten minutes, but he's not picking up. the worst thoughts begin to run through my mind.

I fear that he'll go looking for that feeling of numbness again and relapse. I can't live with myself knowing i'm destroying someone inside.

my phone suddenly rings and a wave of relief comes over me instantly. but when I see who the message is from, my heart drops.

Private Number: I told you you were worthless, Aria. You will always find a way to fuck things up in the end, no matter who it is and where are you. That must be why daddy always tried to 'teach you a lesson.'

my eyes start watering and I break out in tears once again. who is tormenting me about this? everything feels like it's crashing down on me and i'm just one huge ball of guilt.