First

Chapter 39

Things were tense around the house after Jace got the news. He and I were inseparable, it was like going back to when we thought he was going to move. My parents were supportive but I could tell that they did not know how to deal with what was happening. Everybody tried to understand but no one really did. They didn't understand that I was facing losing Jace if anything happened to him while he was away. Jace and I had spent every day living together and suddenly I was facing every day without him. I had been through it before while he was training, but this time, it felt more permanent; there was no guarantee that he would be coming back.

It had felt like we had a while before Jace left but before we knew it we were staring his leaving right in the face. Jace was due to leave on the day I had one of my biggest exams of the year and so I couldn't even take him to the airport to say goodbye. I had told Jace I was going to skip my exam and to hell with the consequences but Jace wouldn't hear of it. He and I had a huge argument about it and in the end I gave up. I couldn't upset him days before he was leaving. I couldn't let him leave and be mad at him.

The morning of his ship out day, I woke with a pit in my stomach. My parents had relented for this one night and let us sleep in the same bed. We did nothing but hold each other all night and I don't think either of us slept. When my alarm went off, I rolled over and faced Jace who was already awake.

He reached out and tenderly brushed hair out of my eyes. "Hey you," he whispered.

I smiled sadly and pressed my forehead against his chest. "Hey." I was quiet for a few minutes. "I'm going to miss this," I said finally, looking up into his eyes.

Jace sighed and pulled me into his arms. "Me too. But I'll be home before you know it. And we'll talk as often as we can."

"Just come home to me," I demanded.

"You're the only reason I would come home." We were silent in each other's arms; taking in the last cuddle we would have for who knew how long. Tears built in my eyes and I gave in to them; I didn't care about holding it all together for him. I wanted to be strong for him, for him to see that I was going to be okay. But I needed to break down. I needed to let it out; I needed to let it hurt. My breaths came in gasping sobs and I clung to him, reluctant to let him go. "Sh, it's going to be okay. I promise," he soothed but I could hear the tears in his voice. Eventually we dissolved into silent sobs.

A knock on our door made us jump. "Kadence? Jace? Breakfast is ready and your ride is going to be here any minute. You need to get up!" my mom called.

At the reminder that our time together was limited, my stomach lurched. "Coming," I replied, wiping at my eyes and sitting up. Jace grabbed my hand to stop me and pulled me back to him.

"You believe me when I say we'll make it through this, right?" he asked, his eyes still glistening with tears.

I nodded. "I believe you. I know we'll make it through this... I just don't know if I can survive this," I admitted.

"You have to survive this, Kadence. You have to survive this for me. When I come back I might not be the Jace you always knew and I'm going to need you to find that Jace again. You're the only person who can do that. Please, you have to hold on for me," Jace said, passion clear in his voice.

His words hit me straight in the heart. Jace needed me and I couldn't let him down. I couldn't break down when he was so vulnerable. "All I'm asking is that you try," he pleaded.

"I will, I will," I promised. Jace and I lay there for a few more minutes before finally getting the courage to get out of bed and face the day. Because we both knew that as soon as our feet hit the floor everything would suddenly become real.

We dressed in a blur, me in something comfy and Jace in his military uniform. When he turned to face me I had to smile; I loved a man in uniform. I sighed and stepped closer to him. "I'm so proud of you," I said, looking him up and down. "Remember that." Jace said nothing, instead placing a tender kiss to my forehead.

Eventually we made our way down to the kitchen. My mom placed a plate of food in front of me but there was no way I was going to be able to force anything down. With Jace leaving and my exam in only a few hours my stomach was in knots. Jace didn't touch his food either. There were no real goodbyes from my family as Jace collected his bag and we made our way out to his grandmother's car. Nana was going to drop me off at school and then see Jace off. The ride to school was quiet; there was nothing to say. I wished the ride had lasted longer when we got to school. Nana pulled into a spot and killed the engine. All three of us sat there, no one willing to make the first move. Jace and I knew this was it; this was the end. He was going to leave and everything would become more real.

Silently, Nana slipped from the car, giving Jace and I a few minutes alone to say goodbye. "So... this is it, huh?" Jace whispered, turning to face me.

I nodded and undid the seatbelt to slip onto his lap. I buried my head in his neck. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you, too, baby girl. Fuck," he moaned, nuzzling my hair. "This is harder than I thought it would be."

"I know." I sat back and took in his face one last time. "I love you, Jason Fields, so much that it hurts. You've always been there for me and you've fought for me every step of the way. You mean the world to me."

Tears formed in his eyes. "I love you too, Kade. That means so much to me. There is no one else in my life that I care for as much as you. I'm coming back to you; I promise."

I smiled sadly and wiped away his tears. "I'm holding you to that." After a few minutes of silence I said, "I better go; don't want to be late..."

"Yeah," Jace nodded and brushed a stray lock of hair out of my eyes. I think we both knew that the longer we sat inside the vehicle alone, the harder it was going to be to say goodbye. With one last kiss and I love you, I grabbed my backpack and climbed out of the car.

His grandmother was waiting outside and when she saw me get out she approached me and wrapped me up in her arms. "It's all going to be okay. He'll come home." I knew she was convincing me as much as herself. We both loved and cared for Jace and this was not the path either of us wanted to see him on but we had to support him because we loved him.

I simply nodded and started to walk into the school, feeling like I was leaving my heart behind which I was. Jace was my heart and with each step I took, I could feel the string tied between us stretching more and more; I just hoped that it did not break. Just as I was about to enter the school I heard someone call my name. I spun around just as Jace caught me up in his arms. His lips were hard on mine, taking whatever I would give him. He moaned into my mouth as my fingers twined in his hair. This kiss was a true goodbye kiss; it said everything we were afraid to voice and everything that we couldn't put into words. It spoke of trust and passion but most importantly, love. It spoke of love. The kind of love that kept you awake at night and helped you to fall asleep. The kind that settled you and also got you going. The kind of love there could only be between two people who were connected by their souls. When Jace finally pulled away, he didn't say a word. He simply gave me one last sweet kiss and ran back to the car. Seconds later it pulled out of the parking lot and watching Jace drive away was the last break my heart could take. I collapsed onto the pavement with my head in my hands and sobbed.