First

Chapter 52

I knocked knees with him gently and when he didn't respond, I nudged his shoulder. Jace shook himself as if he was coming out of a dream. "Hey where did you go just now?" I asked, my voice laced with concern.

Jace didn't answer me; instead he turned to my dad and said, "Thank you. That means a lot to me; more than you could possibly know. You've made me feel like I was part of your family since the day I walked into your lives and for that I am eternally grateful. But the greatest honour I will ever have is marrying Kadence." Jace certainly had a way with words; I had to give him that.

I turned my head into his chest and pressed a kiss over his heart. "I love you," I whispered.

Jace dropped a kiss onto my head and replied, "I love you too. More than my own life."

After that, the conversation turned towards our wedding plans. Of course I chatted non-stop—having Jace home had renewed my enthusiasm for the wedding; it made it all the more real now that he was sitting beside me. Despite my enthusiasm, I still noticed that Jace was absent from what was going on around him; he was in his own little world. Suddenly, I was all too eager to get him alone; I wanted to know what was going on in that beautiful head of us. I knew he wouldn't tell me but it was worth a try. I just wanted to see him smile again; an actual smile.

When dinner was over, my mom shooed Jace and I out onto the deck as Raegan and Levi were forced to clean up. Looks like she's in a better mood, I thought.

Jace and I made our way out to the deck and Jace walked straight to the railing; his back to me as he gazed out over the lake. I hung back, giving him a moment alone. I knew he'd never admit it, but he needed it; I was smothering him. But I couldn't help it; every instinct in my body was telling me to protect him. I wanted to make sure he was okay. After a few minutes of silence, I approached him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my face into his back. Jace was tense in my arms and I hated that. I rubbed his back, trying to massage his tension away.

"I'm sorry," Jace said, turning around in my arms. He spun me around and pressed my back against the railing.

"I thought I said I'd kick your ass the next time you tried to apologize," I whispered, no conviction behind the threat.

"You did; you're just too slow and distracted which works in my favour," he replied. "But I'm still sorry. I'm scaring you, aren't I?"

I leaned my head against his chest and sighed. "A little bit, yeah. I feel like you're withdrawing from everyone and everything around you. Including me. I just don't want things to go back to the way they were in the beginning." I looked up into his eyes. "I can't lose you."

Jace rested his chin on the top of my head, his breath stirring my hair. "I know; that's the last thing that I want. But things won't ever go back to the way they were, Kadence; I promise you that. My mind's just a little overloaded today. It's a lot to take in. Coming from a war zone to civilian life... and seeing all those people... I just need some time," he whispered, his voice cracking at the end.

I pulled away so I could see his face but I still stayed in his arms. His face was pinched with tension and his eyes seemed distant. I reached up to smooth the tension lines from his forehead; I wanted to do something to make all this better. I hated feeling so useless.

"I know that it's a lot to take in," I said softly. I smiled sadly and turned in his arms so that we were both looking out over the water. It was so peaceful and beautiful with the waves gently lapping at the shore; the sunset reflected in the water. "I thought coming out here would be the best thing for you; you could relax and just enjoy the peace and quiet," I admitted. "But it's all gone to hell and it's only the first day. Coming out here just made everything worse for you. I'm sorry." I was glad I had turned around so he couldn't see the silent tears landing on my cheeks. I felt horrible for contributing to the situation he was in now.