First

Chapter 54

Five days went by and it was much of the same. We'd go to bed and hours later Jace would wake up, a nightmare receding. He'd be too stunned to talk and then I'd get him a glass of water. After his second nightmare, my mom had stopped coming to check on us. I don't think she knew how to help and was scared to see him after one of his episodes. She didn't know what to expect from him. So Jace was left up to me; I was his fiancée after all. I'd go back to our room, he'd drink the water and when I asked him about it, he'd say he wasn't ready to talk. Then he'd lose himself in me. Even though I knew that he was using me to chase away the nightmare—I didn't blame him or hold it against him—I hated that the first time we made love after he had come home followed a nightmare. But I couldn't say no to him—and who was I kidding, I enjoyed every minute of it. Because that's what ended up happening more often than not. Our kissing gradually led to sex and it seemed that it was more effective at chasing away the nightmares than anything I could possibly say.

*****

"So we've got hotdogs and beer," I said. "Everything we need for a Canada Day party!"

"And marshmallows. Don't forget marshmallows," Jace added, dropping a bag onto the table we had set up on the deck before he playfully dropped into my lap.

I laughed and tried to drop him on the deck but it was no use. It only made him settle into my lap more fully. So I stopped. When Jace turned around and winked at me, I separated my legs and he dropped unceremoniously to the ground. Jace jumped up immediately and scooped me off the chair before wrestling me into his lap. I laughed, deciding not to try and escape. Jace and I were in a fit of giggles on the chair when my parents stepped out onto the deck with us.

Things had been going really well for Jace; he was still suffering from nightmares. They hadn't gotten any better but that hadn't gotten any worse either. It was the small victories I looked for now.

I just hoped tonight didn't derail all the "progress" he had made. Tonight was the night before Canada Day and that meant fireworks. Normally that wasn't such a big deal but for Jace it was. I knew from experience that Jace wasn't good with loud noises after he had come back from overseas. They instantly sent him back into war and that was the last thing we needed right now. I was hoping I could keep him in the present if the fireworks triggered a flashback. I'd gathered from Jace's recent nightmares that he had been through something horrible this time around. I just wished he'd tell me so we could bear this burden together.

"You look happy," I said once we'd both stopped laughing. I tenderly ran my fingers through his hair.

"I am happy," Jace replied, taking my hands and threading his fingers through mine. "I've got the sun on my face, the wind in my hair and my beautiful fiancée in my lap. What more could I ask for?"

I laughed at his carefree attitude; I was slowly getting my Jace back and the thought alone made me smile.

The sun was starting to set over the lake; this was my favorite part of the day. It was Jace's too because when I stood up to take in the setting sun, Jace followed me and wrapped his arms around waist, setting them on my stomach.

"Breathtaking, isn't it?" I whispered.

Jace replied in awe. "Amazing. There were days I thought I'd never see the sunset again."

His confession shocked me right to my core; it had come out of nowhere. "Jace...?" I asked cautiously, not wanting him to retreat into himself again. I would take any information he was willing to share with me.

Without me having to clarify anymore, he elaborated. "We all had days like that; this tour more than others. We'd be so bogged down in gunfire that it looked so bleak. But we always managed to come together and fight our way out of the fire."