February 24th 2017
I've had time to think about this situation and I'm okay it's okay
I just don't have the right words to say to Kailin she doesn't need to worry
I don't know what I will say to Kihyun and Minhyuk I don't know anything...what I do know is that if I do die I will have no regrets I married my best friend I got a child a beautiful little girl that I have always wanted
My two best friends live next door my dad is still in my life even though I'm gay and dress like a girl sometimes my life was above average so it's okay...it's okay if I die
I know Hoseok is hurting I can see it I hear it when he cries at night and he thinks I can't hear him
I'll grow ugly from my cancer...my hair will fall off from chemo I'll get thinner than I already am I'll get pasty white my skin will be filled with bruises I'll be angry and sad but that's okay..
February 26th 2017
I called my dad here along with Kihyun and Minhyuk to tell them..
I sighed "I'm nervous..." I said "you're okay I'll be holding your hand the entire time" he said
They got here Wonho and I had attempted to cook dinner I mean we get sort of better each day but I only know how to cook Ramen because growing up wit him that's all I did
"Hi dad" I said and hugged him he gave me a strange look I sat down at the table while Hoseok brought the food and stuff over
"Something doesn't seem right" Kihyun said I shook my head "why did you call us here what's wrong an where's Kailin?" My dad asked
I gulped "a I couldn't let her hear this..." I said "what's going on?" Minhyuk asked
"I...uhm...my cancer is back" I said Hoseok gripped my hand I frowned "how bad is it?" Kihyun asked I shook my head
"It's not good" I said Kailin ran out "are you dying!?" She yelled "no princess I'll be okay" I said "don't lie to me!" She cried I just hugged her and cried with her
March 1st 2017
Hoseoks 23 birthday (I'm always bouncing around with their age I'm very sorry)
I took him out for dinner and maybe a little dessert later on I chuckled at my thoughts..
March 15th 2017
I started coughing up blood yesterday so now I have to live in the hospital I feel so bad and I just...I just want to die
I can't make my loved ones suffer like this...not again
April 28th 2017
Weeks are flying by and I feel dead already...I have no more fight left in me
"How long?" I asked an my doctor looked at me I cried a bit..."how long...do I have to suffer...how much time do I have left?" I asked
He sighed "you have three months left Hyungwon...I'm sorry" he said I nod
I'm dying soon I chuckled at that
May 4th 2017
I don't feel like myself I don't want to breathe but I put on a smile for my family I don't want them to see me hurting
Wonho kissed me "I love you" I giggled "I love you" he smiled...that smile...I'll miss that the most
In the end...we were just two people who were madly in love with each other and that's how are story is going to end
"I have to tell you something..." I said "what is it?" He asked "I have three months to live" I said
I couldn't tell him that I now only have two he started crying "I can't loose you..not again..." He said "Ill always be with you wherever you go I go" I said
He got in be and cuddled with me me
May 20th 2017
I feel so selfish wanting to die already but I can't cause them more pain..I'm so scared to leave Hoseok to leave my dad my two best friends and Kailin I don't want to leave them like this
I've let out a lot of sighs lately it's so natural to sigh now it's not healthy
I can't tell Kailin I'm dying it's not right to tell her "how's school going baby girl?" I asked "it's really good!" She said I smiled
"You're so smart you're going to go far in life!" I said "it sounds like you're saying goodbye" she said I smiled "I will never leave you I will always be with you" I said she hugged me...I'll miss you princes..
