(Please don't hate me)
I've been getting chemo for almost three months now and I'm hurting I'm hurting so bad
But I can't let anyone know you see my body is getting weaker by the days and I just don't know what to do
I hate this I hate being sick I hate being in love with wonho because I'm just going to die anyway
But I love wonho and I want to be with him forever but my forever is going to be cut short and one day he will grow up have wife/husband and he will have kids and he will be happy
and I will die knowing that one day wonho will be happy and healthy "wonho" I said "yes?" He asked "when I die can you promise me that you will be healthy for me okay? And don't dwell over my death" I said
"I won't because it won't happen I'm not letting you die" he said I shrugged minhyuk and kihyun have been coming to visit me a lot so Minhyuk and I have been getting closer
I love kihyun he's my best friend well besides wonho he will always be my number one best friend
Kihyun and Changkyun came over to talk to us about college it was a weekend and they had no classes so that's good "wonho don't you want to go to college?" I asked
"No I want to be with you I can get a job no problem without college and you can be a stay at home dad" he said and I chuckled if only you knew how bad I was hurting
Please let me go...
I was doing chemo again this one is for 12 hours and ugh I don't want to be here wonho fell asleep and I well I fell apart I was crying
I hate chemo I hate not have hair I hate being sick I hate the fact that I'm going to die soon I can just feel it...
After chemo wonho took me for a walk around the hospital it was nice but I was too weak to enjoy it
"Wonho you know I love you right?" I said "no that sounds like you're leaving so no I don't know" he said "I'll leave soon" I said he stopped in his tracks
"I get it you think that just because you have cancer you will die well that's not the case for most okay? You aren't gonna die you are going to keep living we are going to grow up buy a house adopt some kids have great sex and love each other until our very last breaths when our kids are older okay?" He said and I was crying and I nod
He makes me angry sometimes like he won't except the fact that I'm dying but I love him because he still believes I'll get better
Wonho and I walked back to my room holding hands getting cute stares by passers we walked in and my dad was there "hi dad" I said "hey kiddos" he said
I crawled into bed and wonho sat in a chair next to me "how's work?" I asked "it's good son I'm thinking about letting wonho help me out with it after you leave the hospital" he said "really sir?" He asked and my dad nods wonho sighed in relief
***
It was 4 months later when it happened everything happened all at once wonho was screaming "let me die please let me die I can't do this anymore I want to die it hurts to much" I yelled
*wonhos pov*
He keeps yelling to let him die no I won't "son we have to do surgery on him asap we have to get this tumor out of his brain but he could die or he could live" the doctor said and I began crying
"He'd die either way if he didn't have the surgery so it's up to you" he said I kissed hyungwons forehead "I love you" I said "let me die wonho don't put me through this pain" he said "do the surgery" I said
And the doctor brought us out my dad called kihyun and Changkyun to come here before surgery so they can say goodbye if anything happens to him
He's going to be alright I just know it but kihyun and Changkyun got here and went in
After they came out "son do you want to go say goodbye?" His father asked I shook my head "he will be alright" I said "wonho I think we have to let him go...can't you hear him he wants it to be over he is in pain" he said
"No hyungwon told me no matter what not to let him die if he says too he said that even if he's in pain not to let them so I'm sticking to my promise" I said and they sighed
It's been hours since they have been doing the surgery and we just have to wait in the waiting room and I can't handle this one bit
After probably 10 hours the doctor came out with a sour face....we all knew what that meant...my love
***
5 years later
I was looking at the pictures in my house of my family and I we look happy in our family portrait
"Daddy" minjae came running in "yes son" I said "when's mommy coming home?" He asked and then areum came running in
"Mommy will be home soon don't worry" I smiled at them I looked at an old picture of hyungwon I and sighed
"Who's that daddy?" They asked and I sat them on my lap "this was daddy's first love the moment I saw him I knew I loved him" I said "just like mommy?" They asked and I chuckled "just like mommy" I said
"Go on with the story" minjae said "we were young when we met but we grew to be best friends and that's when our story started hyungwon fell in love with me I think around 6th grade but me? Mine was way before it took us till 12th grade to confess our feelings but if only we had more time together we loved each other deeply he was the best bestfriend anyone could ask for he played soccer all his life he would have been a professional and I cheered him on at every game and practice I was his cheerleader anyway he fell sick and we thought it was a common cold but it was cancer and that's the same way his mommy died too after he got sick we graduated and he had to go to the hospital and I married him" I said
"Wow daddy you got married already before?" They asked and I chuckled "hyungwon was someone you can't forget he was my best friend my husband the love of my life" I said "what happened did he die?" Areum asked
Just then their mommy came in "mommy daddy was telling us a story of his old husband named hyungwon" they shouted and we both laughed "he was?" Their mother said
"So where were you?" Their mother asked "I was just going to tell them what happened to hyungwon" I said and they all told me to carry on
"Anyway so hyungwon had to get surgery and that was the end...." I said "or so we thought but he recovered and we grew up and adopted to beautiful kids" I said looking at hyungwon
"Mommy you had cancer" areum asked "yes sweetie but mommy fought through it and survived for daddy and now I have you guys so it was good that I fought it" he said and kissed their foreheads
I love how they call him mommy it's so cute I love him so much I love my kids and my house and my dog scrappy I can't imagine a life without them
Hyungwon came over and kissed me and smiled we don't talk about that night much it's in the past and you know they do say the past is in the past
