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T H I R T Y O N E

edited

"Can you please go?" I ask the person next to me.

I can't cry. I don't cry. I never cry. Crying shows you how weak you are, and how you try to be so strong but you don't make it. Some people disagree though, they say that crying shows you how strong you are. I don't think so. Yet a tear of self betrayal rolls off my cheek but I don't bother wiping it.

He doesn't move an inch from where he is standing.

"Please..?" I ask, my voice so small you can hardly hear it.

Martinus sits next to me, placing his hands on my shoulders before turning me around to face him. "I know it's been hard for you."

"So hard."

I keep my eyes fixated on the ground, but my ears listening to what he is saying because I know that everybody needs a chance.

"I was so... I don't know what I was feeling," he says, sounding stressed out, "I wasn't there to help you out and I regret that a lot."

I knit my eyebrows together and stand up, deciding that it's enough and he doesn't need to add anymore.

"Then why did you freaking ignore me when we arrived?" I hiss, walking back and forth, "why didn't you say anything? You didn't even look at me!"

"It wouldn't matter to me if you didn't answer my calls because of something important you're doing," I say harshly, "but after finding out that you were just playing a game on your phone when I was calling trying to reach out and talk, it fucking broke my heart."

"I -"

"Look," I cut him off, "I may seem like a selfish little bitch right now but I just..."

"This is the last time I'm asking you - no - I'm telling you," I say, defiantly, "Can you please go?"

Martinus sighs and stands up before walking out of my room. I stand there and think. It's what I've been doing a lot lately.

God damn teenage hormones, why?

X

Athena comes up to my room when it's nearly rehearsal. Max is in a Skype call with me, raging about how his big game was and how his team was supposed to win and not the other.

"Hold on, Max," I say, getting up from my seat and head to the door when someone knocks on it. He shrugs and sings with an annoyingly high pitched voice in the background.

"Let's go, Sera," Athena says, walking into my room and start to throw around clothes from inside the wardrobe.

"Yo, mate, slow down!" I laugh, watching Athena with amusement.

"I knew you wouldn't be ready," she grumbles, and pulls out pieces of clothing.

I turn to Max who is still singing to himself, "sorry Max, got to go."

I smile guiltily but he just laughs, "don't worry, you do what you have to do. Go get them, alright?"

I smirk and just before I click the 'end' button he adds, "Ash says hi, by the way."

I roll my eyes, "hi Ash."

Max's eyes light up and he laughs so hard, Pam has to check in if he's okay. "I'm alright, mum."

"He's going to be so happy you said that," he says, recovering from his laughter with tears streaming down his cheeks, "I'm telling him now."

He reaches for his phone and starts typing rapidly.

"Everybody deserves a chance, anyway," I say quietly.

"Yup!" Max says, popping the 'p' before showing me the screen of his phone.

"Alright mate, you take care of that while I rehearse, yeah?" I suggest, "I'll see you soon?"

"You bet," Max grins, "bye!"

"Bye!"

Max clicks the 'end' button before me, so I just close my laptop and turn around, seeing Athena still frustrating over what I should wear.

"Do you need help?" I ask, laughing a little as she banged her head on top of the metal railing inside my wardrobe.

"I'm good!" she calls from inside and more clothes comes flying out.

Not long after, Athena comes out, wiping her forehead and showing me the clothes she pulled out.

"Yeah, get into those," she tells me and shoos me into the bathroom, "hurry up!"

I steer off Martinus' radar when we get downstairs at the lobby and keep myself behind Cole's back or next to Marcus. But Marcus is busy talking on the phone and I can't understand a word except for maybe the word 'I' and 'you'.

"Hey, Sera," Marcus says when he notices me. I smile, "who are you talking to?"

Marcus' eyes light up, "oh! It's our sister Emma, do you want to talk to her?"

I laugh sheepishly, "I can't speak Norwegian..."

Marcus smiles encouragingly, "she speaks English. Come on, have a go. She's been dying to finally talk to you!"

Marcus shows me the phone and I hesitate before taking it. I lift up the phone to my ear, "hello?"

There is a silence from the other line, "hvem er du?"

I make a face, "Marcus what does that mean?"

"Means who are you."

My mouth makes an 'o' and I talk, "Serafina."

I hear a small squeal from the other side. "Hi! I'm Emma!"

Holy shit her voice is so cute.

"Hi Emma!" I say as I watch my surroundings. Martinus is looking at me from the other side of the room and I quickly tear my eyes from him.

"How are you?" I ask Emma, trying to get Martinus' image from my head.

"I'm good thanks!"

I talk to her until I eventually forget about Martinus.

X

Sandra looks at me while I'm lying on the floor, tired out. We have spent the last four hours rehearsing and now the sky has gone dark. Honestly, I don't know what's kept me going but that 'I don't know' kept me going I guess.

"Serafina Hildebrand, come on get up get up!" Sandra claps her hand repetitively in front of my face, "your first show is on Thursday which is in two days!"

I groan and roll to my tummy, burying my face in my arms. "I'm tired, I want to eat!"

Sandra sighs, "come on then, just one more run through and you can order pizza or whatever."

Pizza sounds magic, but I don't think I can take one more run through.

"Nooo..."

I feel hands wrapping around my ankle and not a second later, I am being pulled around on the ground by my feet.

"Sandra, Sandra stoop!" I laugh as I pick myself off from the ground.

She stops dragging me across the floor. "So?"

"One more, one more," I say, "but you're paying the pizza."

I hear a door closing, and I look over to it. "Who was it?" I ask Sandra.

"No one."

•

ITS SUNDDAAAYYY (where I live at least). Which means another updattee!

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