ethan dolan imagines

silent

sorry but this isn't that good...

Your POV
ethan mentally shut down. everything about him stopped. his happiness, his laughter, his ability to express his feelings, has shut down. he's silent, emotionless, broken, and there's nothing i can do.

i would hear him cry himself to sleep, lock the bathroom door letting out painful cries as he harms himself. "go away," he would yell as i attempt to kick the door open, letting out the same painful cries he makes. "i'm no good for anyone," he would add.

he pains himself mentally, physically and emotionally, and now he's silent. too tired to speak, to weak to hug someone for comfort and cry when he needs it now. he's feeble, pale and down. nothing i could have done since his horrifying thoughts have taken over him. he lost who he was, and i try to bring him back.

today i wake up to see ethan mindlessly staring at the tv show in front of him.just like everyday i make him pancakes praying he would take more than one bite of it. the pancake batter lands on the pan and the sizzling started.

i would turn my head to see ethan staring blankly at the tv, making my gut turn and ache. my throat would tighten and my tears would fall, landing on the pan causing a sizzling sound from it.

after the pancakes i put the fruit on it, out as much powdered sugar that's necessary and drizzle syrup. i pull out a rose and place it on the plate, just hoping these little things would help him. just like everyday i write a little note on a post-it note with my smallest handwriting to fit every single thing my heart has to give out:

today is going to be a great day baby. stay strong and stay healthy. just letting you know that you are loved and you are not alone. you are ethan dolan and you can do so much more than this. i'm here for you. i love you and be who you are meant to be

a tear falls on the post-it note but i didn't care. i wrap the note around the rose and set it on the plate. i pour the orange juice in a glass and walk to ethan who's still never said a word.

"here you go eth," i say choking on all the tears ethan has given me. he looks up at me, which allowed me to take in his features. he lost his color, so pale and lifeless his skin looks. his eyes baggy from all the nights he's cried to sleep while i cuddle him to comfort him. his eye color looks darker, more dead than ever. he reaches his now slightly thinner arms and grabs the plate, wobbling it since he lost so much strength. his cold hands brush against mine causing me to feel the tears blurring my vision.

just watching all of this in front of me broke me into tears. i've seen him like this and cried in front of his for months and he's never said shit. he watches the person that loves him cry for his life.

i love ethan, and i'm willing to give up anything to keep him alive. but what hurts the most is how hopeless he is. his brain overpowering his massive warm heart, and his empty thoughts getting the best of his amazing true self. but that will never stop me, even though it may be impossible to a person's eye that he'll fix himself.

i sit on the couch next to him, watching his hands unwrap the small post-it note. ethan still didn't smile yet, and he hasn't in a long time, and thinking about that right now is making more tears fall.

ethan looks at the note, squinting at it trying to read it but his dehydration and lack of eating has giving him blurry vision. "i c-can't read it," his raspy cold voice spoke making me break. i haven't heard him speak for days.

i smack my face into my hands and let out the painful sobs, but ethan doesn't stop me. he doesn't rub my back comforting me or shush me telling me that everything will be ok. he just watched.

i snatch the note out of his hand and cry out the whole note. throughout what i've spoken while becoming a hot mess, ethan put his face in his hands.

"ethan where are you? where's the ethan that everyone's looking for?" i whisper loud enough for him to hear after i read the note. "why can't you just listen to me and get better?"

"because i can't be fixed. my life is glass, once it's shattered you can't fix it. i can't be fixed," he says in a monotonous voice. "you shouldn't even be here for me. you should find someone else."

why would he say that? "ethan grant dolan i am not looking for anyone," i say grabbing his cold hand, rubbing the knuckles giving him warmth. "i love you too much to leave you and i'm willing to work my ass off to make you feel better."

i look at him and see a single tear fall down, which surprises me knowing he's too weak to cry. "ethan i need you to fucking eat, drink, and be happy!" i yell after seeing him put the breakfast on the table. i grab him and pull him on top of me and engulfed him into a hug. he would be too weak to hold me so i hold him.

i rub his back up and down and lay my back down so he would relax on top of me. i let him put his ear to my chest, to hear and feel my pounding heart. i just want him to know i'm hear for him because i feel like he's feeling alone.

i run my fingers through his hair, while my other arm was holding him close to me. i feel his warm tears mat my shirt, but i didn't care. he laid his whole weight on me, but i didn't care. i just wanted this. i want to love him and comfort him.

he never let out a whimper, a sob, he's just silent but his tears were running fast. silent.

i feel his head turn up to my face, resting his chin on my chest just take in what's in front of him. i look down at him and see dark baggy red eyes and wet skin. his eyes never left mine, and the silence starts to become more comforting.

i move my hand off his hair then to his cheek, caressing the cold wet skin. i wipe his tears then went back to his cheek. man i love him so much, no words to describe my undeniable love towards this man. it's unexplainable.

i feel his cold hand touch my hand that was holding his cheek. he laced his hand with mind which shot me in the heart. i let out a small broken smile while he gave his. "ethan?" i ask.

"mhm?" he replies.

"will you promise me to try and feel better? i love you and i hate seeing you in this mess. i need the man that i love being happy," i quietly sob. feeling ethan's hand tighten around mine. such a simple touch like that is something i've missed for too long. "i love you too," he answers.

"will you try and be strong?" i ask choking all the tears i still manage to have after all the crying.

i was waiting for him to answer me, all the hope i had left was here. waiting for him to say that he'll to better and that he'll gain some optimism.

he puts the side of his face back on my chest, hearing my heart beat and i'm still waiting for him to answer me.

but nothing. he never spoke after that. he didn't answer such a simple question. his dark empty thoughts took over his sweet heart. his warm, massive caring heart overshadowed my the empty words he thinks up in his cold mind.

he's broken glass. can't be fixed. and remains silent.

to whoever cares PLEASE READ:
meh...i've honestly been in a crappy mood lately... whatever. this is cringe ew
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OKAY BUT FIRST...i have been gaining SO MANY VOTES IN LITTLE TIME WTF!!!!
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i'm so confused and i'm FREAKING OUT!!! plus the comments i'm getting are making my day. each one is great and i enjoy replying to all of them.
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i've also been gaining followers quick too which IS THE BEST THING EVER!!! i'm making new reading buddies everydayyyyyy!!!!! yayyyayyayayay
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this imagine is okay i guess lmao...