ethan dolan imagines

letter//two

he shouldn't have even held it at all. it should be my hand to hold yours.

i know i'm a man, but i cried until i had no more left in me, in my bed, no one next to me to hold me. and for the first time ever, i lost a bit of hope for us, if there even was an 'us'.

and you still came over to my house and i did the same things. i held you close and we talked about nothing until we fell asleep. it's as simple as that, nothing more, nothing less, and i still loved it.

but i'll never forget that day when you held his hand in front of me, and i tried to get rid of that memory and carry on.

because i'm too in love.

but it always hits me, and reminds me of how i'm not the one you wanted.

and you spoke nothing but truth, in front of me. "i found someone a few weeks ago?" i remember you saying.

and it was the devil of everything. i asked who it was, and you gave me his name. simple as that, i wanted him far away from you. i wanted you for so fucking long. and i couldn't believe you felt these things for this man.

your words about him was articulate, so tender. you always spoke about how perfect he was in your eyes. how sweet he was around you and his smile. you loved that man's smile. you couldn't stop talking about his 'pearly whites'.

i was happy that you found someone special to you, but i'm good at holding a fake face for others.

i wanted you to say those things about me. i wonted you to crush on me and say that you feel the 'flutters of butterflies' in your stomach when you see me. i wanted that from you and only you, and i would give you the same.

i was too in love with you.

i still contemplate to this day how i was still fine holding you intimately, amorous kisses on the back of your head. you loved those, you always said it was sweet of me to do that, you were oblivious by the fact that i did it out of strong love for you. it wasn't just soft kisses to me, it was loving and meaningful, you never analyzed it at all.

more days went by of bitter sweet nothings to you, although every minute with you was my sanity.

i felt so dependent on you, cause i was too in love.

you threw caution to the wind, and gas to a forest fire, when you kept on bringing up this man mercilessly.

i dealt with many things in my life that pained me. i told you once how i broke my arm with my twin, you said it was a long time ago.

but a broken heart, never spoke it to you, cause i knew it was more gas to the fire.

you brought the guy over, his head was held up high, he met my cold stare, he knew i was 'close' to you. i analyzed everything he was doing. he held your hand multiple times, his fingers glazing the softness of your skin, and he complimented you so much. he treated you like a princess from a fantasy. he was almost as perfect as any guy could be.

and it broke me. it tore me, it left me gutted, it felt like the time i broke my arm, only then the pain in my arm was actually under my rib cage.