ethan dolan imagines

the heart-wrencher

unedited so...good luck. weird beginning and title too.

have fun.

and this is where they are, trapped in one place in this...so-called relationship, and they can't seem to climb out of it. it's a hole, a gap, a large pothole on the road; they're that one tire that gets stuck and can't push out.

the gap, or really the pothole, is ignorance; ignorant of your mind, he is. your excruciatingly painful heart seeping for him...and only for him, god, you've laid out your body and mind for him, and commended yourself underneath his such crazy stupid beauty, flustered out of your mind for him, yet heart-wrenchingly flattered for his presence.

he's a truly beautiful man, you'd think, grasping the thick locks of his hair tussled messily above you during you two's heart-clashing moments, yet supposedly "nothing special"...borderline sadism, only through forced closing of emotions.

yet his presence is only a piece of what you beg for. you beg for his own heart to be opened for yourself...and what hurts most is that subconscious thought of your place in this world that is the main reason for his ignorance of your emotions.

he's troubled in accepting his attraction towards the same gender; same body structure as his, same as yours. sexuality is a touchy subject perhaps, it's facts about yourself that's truthfully hard to swallow, no matter what.

he is, of course, a man baffled by his own battle between his mind and heart; they're two different worlds, having to co-exist inside him-one being cut short of even a ting of kindness (almost borderline disrespect), only reserved for heartless, physical needs...nothing more, could be less, and the other one willing to break a limit for you; emotionally driven towards this fucking irresistible love that you already feel for him (only now you're unaware of his inner mutuality)-but now you can't handle that imperfect balance.

he says he's experimenting, or solving his own bodily needs, putting yourself as his solution...out of everyone, for his own hungry needs.

out of everyone in his life!

and now here is the big elephant in the room, obvious of this toxicity between each other, no words are spoken-none needed, really-and his arms snake hesitantly around your waist, pulling your back against his chest, relieving the familiar yet quiet ache-a profoundly painful ache-between each other.

air thick and cold...but also unbearably hot, both hearts pounding viciously and erratically, and the invisible yet obvious bile in your throats are forcing itself out through the quiet air.

Your POV
his arm feels hot against my bare stomach, pulled tightly to where my back is unwillingly pressed against his chest from behind, almost desperately, the previous subtle admiration turning almost too loud. his breaths hot too, hitting the back of my neck in an unsettled, confusing pattern, since what we've committed a quarter of an hour ago breached his air drastically.

but only this time, making me utterly concerned of his mindset, his breath is more faltered after each second, hot and humid and breaking even more. it's tough and hard, it's making me choke on air too, being my reaction. it sounds painful, airy sobs, loud and forcibly cutting through the eerie silence between us, but i keep my tired gaze at the wall, even if his is on the skin of my neck.

his face now pressed beyond intimately against my neck, and i bound myself to release a weary cry of feelings-because holding in feelings for so long can sometimes release out from just a simple (yet feeling infinite) touch-then, hot liquid hits the back of my neck.