You know what? I actually do think I am pretty, sometimes.
Those special times of some when I look in the mirror and think I look okay, those times when I look in the mirror and smile instead of making funny faces at myself.
Those rare occasions when I do actually want to take a photo of myself, only to turn the camera on, take pictures, then want to delete them all.
I prefer candid shots, one's that are off-guard and catch me with my emotions splayed across my face as if painted on by a painter, each stroke capturing my essence and my being in one single moment.
Pictures, I've never liked them. A fake smile and a stare as the cameraperson takes too long, watering eyes and a tight jaw, because they want to take forever. A picture, a photo that makes me feel quite distorted and not how I think I look.
Maybe my eyes are glazed to make me feel ugly, a cruel illusion of the mind.
Well, not ugly I guess, maybe, I don't know. I'm not ugly, I know that, not inside or out, but it's hard to feel that way with all the girls around my constantly.
An all-girls lowkey lowered my self esteem; I feel uglier than ever and it's just not okay.
But I'm not going to change myself, nope, I'll never do that.
My face won't become caked with makeup, my lips won't be adorned with a different shade. My dress after school (we have uniforms so during school obvi I have to wear it unless it's a tag day) will still be shorts (or sweatpants), a tee and sneakers.
I'm only really complimented when I am dressed up... which is extremely rare.
Weird, right?
When I tell my friends (sometimes) or just say that I am ugly,
they tell me I'm not but honestly how can I believe them?
I know some friends, some that are blunt and won't sugarcoat it,
are telling the truth, and then I smile real wide and feel pretty good,
but somehow, some way, the thoughts resurface and gnaw at my brain.
But honestly, that's okay.
Wanna know why?
Because I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
And someday, someday eventually,
someone will make me feel pretty.
Someone will see beauty in me,
and that someone will widen my eyes and allow me to see.
YOU ARE READING
Mind {Prose Vol. 2}✔
Poetry❝In my mind, there is pain. I am exhausted. I feel defeat from my hair tips to my feet- my body feels the stress weighing down on my shoulders. I try and try every day, but nothing seems to go my way. In my mind, there is pain, yet I try because one...
