this poem is different from my normal style as it is more journal-esque and conversational.
it is a look into my mind from real time; the inspiration before the rhyme.
to my dad's girlfriend, i felt unappealing.
~~~
INSPIRATION
Texts to my friend, Friday June 19, 2020; [] means added text.
--
9:04pm
Sigh I hate being myself sometimes. I feel judged
It seems like I'm just not what his gf seems to expect and I don't even wanna be here anyway
10:23pm
Because a convo about prom popped up and stuff and she was all an all girls school? Well that sucks. How were you able to meet boys and stuff and I'm just like does it look like I care that much and parties aren't my scene and stuff and she just looked like mm [for almost every single sentence i said]
10:24pm
She's the typical I must give a s*** about boys and stuff person
And I've never been like that. Plus, I'm definitely not what anyone wanted
It made me uncomfortable and [I felt] kinda scrutinized tbh. I felt like I should've just never said anything
10:26pm
And she was saying I should wear heels because they make women hot and sexy and I expressed how I don't like heels [especially because I have posterior tibial tendonitis in both legs] or being in dresses and it was like the step [piece of garbage girl who was NEVER a mother to me] all over again except she can't try controlling me like she did
It made me uncomfortable and small
10:30pm
And she randomly asked if I had best friends and I said I use the term close friends [after bringing up how someone said best implies one thing that is better than the rest] and I have those and it seemed like I answered wrong yet again
10:31pm
No she doesn't seem like her [the trash can step] and as petty and awful, but like she kinda has the idea of what a woman should be and believes women shouldn't crave acceptance from a man or whatever heavily but then asks me those questions
POEM
Presumably written (or at least finished) on June 28, 2020.
--
you make me feel unappealing,
like i'm unwanted, or only wanted in a certain light,
like i'm only invited if i dress a certain way,
if i talk, if i walk, if i rock a certain way
i don't have a busty top,
nice hips to strut and shake,
a butt that pop, locks and drops, just giving people a taste,
YOU ARE READING
Mind {Prose Vol. 2}✔
Poetry❝In my mind, there is pain. I am exhausted. I feel defeat from my hair tips to my feet- my body feels the stress weighing down on my shoulders. I try and try every day, but nothing seems to go my way. In my mind, there is pain, yet I try because one...
