2am thoughts ~~ written on my phone.
kids, i love kids,
i understand them, i live to help them,
kids are adorable, kids are sweet,
kids always keep you on your feet,
they're loud, they're quiet, at any given moment they could start a riot,
little devils, crazy gremlins, handfuls you can lift and shape,
they learn from us, their world is ours,
they can be a lovely escape.
i love kids.
i strive to be a child/developmental psychologist because it interests me,
but there's more to it, you see?
we have many layers, but who really cares?
teach them, teach them, help them grow, show them the world, don't shield them,
they've gotta know the good, the bad, and the ugly,
we can't shelter them because they'll have questions and explore themselves,
lash out, feel alone, untrusted, sad,
they don't need that, they need us,
they need love, too.
i want to take their pain away,
but it's impossible,
and they need it anyway to shape them
to who they become the next day,
but they could be helped with coping.
guidance is what we should offer,
a helping hand, not an abusive reprimand,
we need to listen when something is wrong,
constantly work on our trust,
respect them.
honestly, i don't want kids.
but i do. i want kids, at least two.
one from my own making, an adopted one to love as my own,
to help them, show them life,
bring them life, teach me life,
with love.
open their eyes to anything they want,
what they decide to be their prize,
they'd both be my kid, we'd explore,
we wouldn't ignore, show love,
fight, show up, be great,
feel feelings, share thoughts,
show them how to love themselves and express ourselves to the fullest stretch.
but i'm scared.
how could i dare?
i'm really scared.
i feel like i could never be a mother,
even if i'm quite fertile,
i'm scared that i won't be good enough,
scared that the way i am will be replicated,
i don't want them to look like me
(i feel ugly)
i don't want them to hurt like me
(i'm still suffocating)
i don't think i can do it
(i'm constantly shown that i'm not enough)
i don't want them to hate me
(i hate me, can't you see?)
i'm scared.
and what if i can't have kids?
people will annoyingly ask me,
when are you having kids?
i want a niece/nephew/grandchild,
but what about me?
what if i had to have a hysterectomy?
what if i've tried twenty times
and i've failed and i've lost me,
i've been broken, no baby?
i want kids, i do, with one person,
whoever's special and loves me
like two best friends really do,
but i'm scared.
of course not now or anytime soon,
but should i? would i? i'm scared,
i'm not prepared, i'm not enough.
so helping others before they feel like me is enough.
a/n
song: b.o.b. ft. janelle monáe
i worked at a preschool and tutored kids at various points in my life. i feel like kids can be better listeners and better stimulation than adults. they/we don't receive the credit we are worth, aren't listened to, are abused, are ignored, are depressed, are hurting, our problems are discredited and cast aside as if they don't exist. it annoys me.
also: stop👏🏼asking👏🏼people👏🏼about👏🏼kids,👏🏼that👏🏼is👏🏼personal👏🏼and👏🏼insensitive👏🏼af👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
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Mind {Prose Vol. 2}✔
Poetry❝In my mind, there is pain. I am exhausted. I feel defeat from my hair tips to my feet- my body feels the stress weighing down on my shoulders. I try and try every day, but nothing seems to go my way. In my mind, there is pain, yet I try because one...
