Grow up Black girl, grow up, grow up
you stopped eating, your weight's dropping, but you show up, show up.
you swim at the pool after school, your days are long,
you're tired, you're aching, and you realize you're still alone
the boys make fun of swimming, say it's not a sport to make you hurt
but you show them that you're strong and leave those words in the dirt
you swim faster, you hit that growth spurt, you're taller than them now,
you're a top swimmer, it's been a year, you're feeling somewhat confident now
but you're humble, you don't brag- your actions say it all,
you keep fighting, you keep diving, you're really risking it all
the swim parents think you'll be something, olympic swimmer and all,
but your dad doesn't think so and you start to feel
small
you're still hardly eating, you're tired, you're only 12 at this point,
you turned 11 in the sixth grade and 12 in the seventh,
the woman your dad is with argues with him all the time, she makes you feel like you not swimming is the primary thing on her mind,
it feels like you're not welcome there,
like you should leave,
like you should die,
you believe it too,
maybe the world would be better off without you
since she doesn't seem to like you
the boys will never like you
some girls don't even like you,
but what of your friends, do they even like you?
you're not eating, you're not eating, how will you grow up, grow up?
are you stunting your growth, will you even get the chance to grow up, grow up?
At age 12 you thought, I'm over it, I'm through, I hope I don't make it to 16, I don't even know what to do
you wanted to kill yourself, but were still considerate. blood from a slit throat would make a mess
you must confess, how could you drown in a bath if your body and training could make you last?
you tried to stop eating, let not eating take you out,
but a coach you respected said that they had a swimmer pass out,
it was before your time, but it still happened at the same pool
you didn't want to make a scene, reenact what they had gone through,
so you drank water,
water,
it's all your body got,
you started thinking more fat needed to be gone so you stopped
you don't care,
your body's no good anyway,
you're exhausted,
mentally drained-
does no one notice the pain?
Visuals via my Commaful account in the external link: https://commaful.com/play/thougtfuldragon/grow-up-black-girl/
Part four of a long, unedited poem series; probably around seven parts written 10:58pm-12:09am June/9-10/2020.
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Mind {Prose Vol. 2}✔
Poesía❝In my mind, there is pain. I am exhausted. I feel defeat from my hair tips to my feet- my body feels the stress weighing down on my shoulders. I try and try every day, but nothing seems to go my way. In my mind, there is pain, yet I try because one...
