145th Poem: If, If, If [1]

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If, If, If: A Pensive Struggle

Post from my Wattpad messageboard around 9pm EDT, Saturday May 16, 2020. I was and still am going through it.

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If I stay, will it be in vain?

If I stay, will there always be pain?

If I go, but where would I go?

If I go, but how would I survive?

If I stay, will there be a price to pay?

Oh, surely, but what bigger price than the sanity already lost? 

The scars etched on my heart and the beatings left under my skin?

If I go, will I even be happy?

If I go, will I make it out?

I left, yet the thoughts came again, you're not gone, you're still here, she's not gone, she's still here. 

But where am I?

How do I find me?

If I stay, who will kill me first, you or I?

If I go, will I find a home, or will I be left to die, perhaps melt into the grass or evaporate into the sky?

If I stay, if I go, if if if..

If only I knew.


A/N

Visuals via my Commaful account, thougtfuldragon, linked in the external link, aka this link - https://commaful.com/play/thougtfuldragon/if-if-ifa-pensive-struggle/

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