Do You Want To Know? ~A Tythan Story

Part Three: What Am I Going To Do?

Ethan's POV:
(WARNING: TRIGGERING TOPICS, CUTTING, THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)

I woke up in Tyler's arms. He was still sleeping. I got up, making sure that I didn't wake him, and went in the bathroom that he had in his room. I opened the medicine cabinet and picked up the razor blades. I sat at the toilet, just holding it to my skin. Voices in my head saying;
         How could anyone ever love you?
         You're a worthless piece of shit.
                    You'll die alone.
          Tyler wishes you were dead.
                  No one loves you.
                   Tyler hates you.

"Shut up..." I cried softly. I began to cut my wrist. I wasn't new to this, but it had been a long time since I last done it.
After I finally got the voices to disappear, I cleaned up the bathroom and my wrist and got out. I went over to Tyler's closet and grabbed one of his sweaters and put it on. I went back to cuddle with Tyler.

"Hi there." He said, his voice heavy from sleep.

"Hey Teddy Bear." I said, hugging him close to me. I really like the name Teddy Bear for Tyler because that's all he is. One big teddy bear.

"I see you found my nickname." He said with a chuckle. "And I think I know mine for you. Blue Boy." I knew where he got that from. My hair was an pretty, deep blue. I dyed it when I was in the tenth grade.

An hour went by and I had to get ready for school.

"I have to go to school.. So let me go.. please....." I said. He hugged me even tighter.

"I don't want you to go tho..." He whined. Why was he so adorable!?

"I have to baby." I got out of his grip. He rolled over and looked at me.

"Why are you wearing my sweater?"

"I-I-I w-was c-c-cold." I stuttered. In my head, I kicked myself in the teeth. I hope he didn't notice it. He looked confused. I think he was on to me. I was hoping that his sleepy mind will somehow make him hear something else.

"Ethan, are you ok?" He asked, his face very worried.

"Yeah. I'm ok. Just worried what people are going to say about my mom kicking me out. You know how rumors get spread around here. I don't want anyone messing with me, that's all." I was somewhat lying. I didn't want him to know what I was doing, not yet anyway. I was worried what he was going to say if he saw them. Would he hate me? Would he look at me as a weak piece of shit? I just had to be careful for now. Tyler just had to be in the dark.

"Ok. Be sure to text me. I love you Blue Boy." He said, rolling back over.

"I love you too Teddy Bear." I responded. I kissed him on his cheek. I walked out of the room to see Mrs. Scheid cooking breakfast.

"Hi Tyler.. oh I'm sorry. I though you were Tyler, you have on his sweater. I'm not used to having you around." She smiled. She use to always love having me around.

"I understand. I would say that I'm not use to being in your house, but I have been over here so many times, I know it like it was my own. Well now I guess it is." I smiled back. I really liked his mom. She made me feel like I belong.