31 || Dear Camila (i hate u, i love u)

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A/N: I'm a slut for sadness, especially when I feel sad. Also, I actually dislike the ship Camren. I used to be in love with it but it's just been ruined by the fans that are so far up Camren's ass and shit. I know some of y'all are gonna hate me for saying that but eh, it is what it is.

SUMMARY: Y/N thinks back on their relationship with Camila Cabello, a certain pop star that has risen to the top and forgotten all about her old lover.
• AU
• Camren

WARNING(S): cursing, alcohol, drugs, mentions of suicide

WARNING(S): cursing, alcohol, drugs, mentions of suicide

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Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you

Dear Camila,

I'm torn. Torn between trying to remember, and trying to forget because in those moments you made me happiest but also saddest.

And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips

I was blinded by your love. Blinded by the way your love resembled a dream so much. How much I didn't want to wake up from it, how much it gave me all my wishes and washed away all my troubles. Some days, I couldn't even tell the difference.

And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you

But I soon started to realize that your love actually was a dream. It was fake, nothing more than a fabrication of reality. I woke up.

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you

Even though we're no longer together, and you've moved on and probably forgot all about me, I can't do the same. My broken and bruised heart is still longing for you. My unstable mind, filled up of scarred memories and tainted thoughts, still revolves around you.

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

I hope you're happy with her, despite wanting so much to be her. I hope she makes you smile, laugh, love. I hope she gives you the whole world because apparently the galaxy I gave you wasn't enough. Apparently my everything and all just didn't suffice.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.

I miss you when I can't sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can't eat
I miss you in my front seat
Still got sand in my sweaters
From nights we don't remember

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