Sexual Frustrations

02. Feeling nostlagic

If you were to ask me if I still had feelings for Carl Gallagher I would have denied it without missing a breathe. Although I would have been lying seeing as only 72 hours after I got that phone call from Lip I was on sitting on a plane making the long haul from Australia to Chicago.
As I was finally left to my thoughts on that plane the reality of the situation really set in and I couldn't quite believe I really was leaving behind the life I'd made for myself to come crawling back to that boy. I replayed the conversation over and over in my head.

"Lip?"

"Yeah hey Ava,"

"Is everything okay?"

"Ava, its Carl we need you!"

"What?"

"Something's going on with Carl,"

"What is it?"

"..."

"Lip, is he okay??"

"Not really Ava, he's in a bad place. We don't know what to do."

"What's going on?"

"Drugs Ava..."

How could he be so fucking stupid? He'd been in this scene before, he knew the dangers of getting involved in that shit. I couldn't help but feel anger towards him, why would he do this?

"Oh god Lip, he's not selling again is he?"

"I don't know if he's selling he won't talk to us....but he's using."

He fucking knew what drugs did to a person, he had the perfect example in his father. Why would he want to get into that shit. Sure, smoking weed was one thing but hard drugs?

"He's using?"

I couldn't even believe it at first. My Carl wouldn't be so thick...but then again, he wasn't my Carl anymore and he hadn't been for the longest time.

"Yeah and it's not just weed, it's bad shit."

My skin went cold at the thought. Fucking drugs, what state had he gotten himself into? I didn't even know how bad it was but for Lip to ring me and ask for help, it couldn't be good.

"What's he on?"

"We don't even know he won't talk to us, coke, heroin, your guess is as good as mine."

"Heroin?!?"

"It's bad Ava, real bad. He's a completely different person. He won't talk to any of us, he's jobless, the state of him is horrific. Fiona's at a loss on what to do."

"Fuck this is bad."

"I'm sorry I probably shouldn't have brought you into this but Ian and I were talking and we figured you would want to know..."

"I do thank you for calling."

But did I really want to know? Could I not have happily lived in ignorance, continuing on with the life that I was actually enjoying living. Of course I couldn't. Of course I wanted to know, I cared way more than I would have liked to admit.

"I know this is a huge ask and you don't have to do it but...."

"What?"

"Would you come back here? Try and help us?"

I denied it at first. Swore I wouldn't go back to that stuff, but I knew as soon as he asked I was a goner. I'd have been on the next flight if it wasn't for work.

So I went into work and told them I had a family emergency back in Chicago, a sick relative. They were more than willing to help and get my work covered. Once that move was made I booked a flight and there I was on my way back to my old home. Back to my old life but not back to old habits. That I promised myself.

...

Once that 15 hour flight from Sydney to Chicago landed the nerves set in. I felt a range of emotions on the way over, I was angry, sad, disappointed. But once my feet touched the ground it was the nerves that well and truely set in.

I was finally going to come face to face again with Carl after I'd left him and then moved country. God I was a shitty person. But would it even be Carl that I would be seeing again? Or would it be someone completely unrecognisable. Was he excited to see me? Did he expect us to rekindle? Or did he despise me for what I did. I had to suppress all of those rambling questions because waiting for me at the terminal was Lip and Ian.

When I saw them I almost wanted to cry, it was the greatest nostalgic feeling I'd ever experienced seeing those two standing there waiting for me. Only this time, 4 years older than when I'd last seen them.

"Ava!" Ian called out excitedly and when I reached them I was engulfed in the biggest hug. Their smell and everything reminded me of Carl and the years we spent as years, as fuck buddies, as...together.

"Oh my god." I gasped hugging them both back and taking their appearances in. They were so old now. "Look at you guys."

"Look at us?" Lip laughed. "Look at you!" He twirled me around and I couldn't help but laugh along.

"You've aged well." Ian complimented.

"I can't believe I'm here." I laughed at how ridiculous this whole thing was. I was too impulsive for my own good sometimes.

"We can't thank you enough for this." Lip nodded and then the reason why I was here came springing back into my mind and ruined the happiness I felt to be reunited with them. 

"Lets get your bags and get you in the car." Ian grinned and I couldn't wait to hear about everything I missed out on.

...

On the car ride home I got caught up on their lives and it was so good to hear how well they were doing. Ian was now a working paramedic which he managed to study for after battling his diagnosis of Bipolar disorder. Lip was now living in his own place and was working with some technological up and coming company that I honestly did not understand a word of.
Fiona was now managing a restaurant and a laundromat. Debbie had a boyfriend and was raising Frannie. And of course then there was Carl. God I can't even accept what he'd let happen to himself. I never in a million years would have expected that from him.

I had been too busy catching up that I didn't even realise we reached their house until we were parked out the front. The nerves hit me like a tonne of bricks.

"Oh god." I gasped and the boys turned to face me.

"Look we figured you could come stay with me, we didn't wanna chuck you straight in the deep end and we didn't wanna freak him out too much either."

"Oh god okay thank you," I sighed feeling relief that we could do this gradually. "Wait a minute does he know I'm here?" The boys looked immensely guilty and I groaned.

"I'm sorry we knew if we told him he would freak out and not let it happen."

"Oh my god then why am I here?" I groaned. Now realising he didn't even want or know that I was here made the whole situation even worse.

"We didn't know what to do Ava? We need your help." Ian sighed and I knew I would just have to grin and bare it. I was here now.

"Okay let's get this over with." I jumped out the car and stood looking at the house.

"Don't worry he might not even be home yet." Lip assured me. "We just have to bring you to Fiona. She's gonna die when she sees you."

"Well here goes nothin." I sighed stepping through those doors yet again