Sexual Frustrations

31. Unpleasant surprises

It's safe to say I definitely forgot all the productive thoughts by the time Carl and I had finished on the kitchen bench. Lip was definitely not going to be happy, so I decided to leave that small detail out when he asked me how my day was. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Basically Carl came over to invite me round for dinner again, but we got a little distracted. So of course I agreed and we began to walk back to his house.

Something about being with Carl made me feel almost high and giddy. I felt in cloud 9 after our moment in the kitchen and walking back to his house with him felt...right. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.
We were both so comfortable in each other's company, chatting about anything and everything and I was so genuinely happy.

Soon enough I remembered I needed to have a serious conversation with him. It was stupid of me to just lay back and enjoy the good vibes. I needed clarity about what was going on between the two of us and I needed to make some serious decisions regarding my future. It was all a hell of a lot to stomach and I knew it could be a painful topic. But I also knew avoiding it would be so much more painful in the long run.
So I decided to bite the bullet and break the silence.

"Carl I need to talk to you..." I began to blurt out my words quickly but Carl also did the same thing.

"I need to tell you som..." we'd both interrupted each other. I couldn't help but laugh and a great deal of ease rushed over me.

"You go first," I prompted him desperately wanting to avoid my topic of conversation but highly curious at what it was he needed to tell me. I could tell he was nervous about something, maybe he needed to have the same conversation as I did.

We rounded the corner and his house was in plain view now.

"Well I don't know how to bring this up but..." Carl began to explain but I held my hand against his arm to stop him mid sentence because the whole world just came crashing down on me in that moment.

Sitting on the sidewalk right outside the Gallagher house was a woman hunched over with her arms wrapped around her knees. She wore a long oversized jumper that was ripped and stained. Her small thin legs stuck out of the end of her jumper like match sticks. I could barely see her face due to the mane of ratty black hair on her head. I could see from a far how greasy and dirty it was.
I stopped dead in my tracks unable to move unable to speak unable to think. I was shocked and sickened to my stomach because even though she looked vastly different, I knew straight away without a second thought that the woman hunched over on the sidewalk was my mother.

...

I don't know how long I stood with my feet glued in their place. I was afraid if I took a step I'd faint. Or if I opened my mouth to speak I'd vomit. So I stood with my eyes locked on that woman on the sidewalk who was a stranger to me now.

"Ava!" Carl grabbed my shoulders bending down to face me, shaking me out of my trance.
"What's wrong?" He looked so confused and concerned and I assumed he'd been trying to get through to me for a few moments. I tried to speak but words failed me, what was I supposed to say?
"Are you okay?" He shook me gently. I had to speak.

"Mom." Was the only word that would escape my mouth. Carl's face exhibited utter confusion and it took him a few moments to look back towards the house.

"Mom?" He asked and all I could do was nod. "Fuck." He muttered grabbing my hand in his. Although I couldn't express it, I was thankful for the gesture.

"What do I do?" I gasped feeling the panic rise up in my body. My skin was prickling and my breathing became erratic.

"Do you want to go back to Lips?" He asked and I seriously considered the option but what kind of person would I be if I left my mother on the side of the road looking like that.

"No," I sighed gaining some courage. I had no idea what I was even going to say or do but I felt my legs slowly carry me over towards the woman on the road.

Every step closer I felt my heart thump harder.
"Mom?" I whispered but the words barely came out. I thought she didn't hear me but her head snapped up to face my and my heart broke a thousand times more.

"Baby..." she grinned standing up to embrace me. Her face was so gaunt, her skin covered in small little red blisters. Her eyes were dark hooded and lifeless. Many of her teeth were missing and yellow and her lips were chapped. She looked horrible.
"I heard you were back in town and I wanted to come find you." She smiled pulling away from her big hug. I was still too in shock to do anything except manage a half-assed smile.

"Hi," I managed to choke out, trying to suppress tears.
She looked so bad so unhealthy and lifeless. I could tell she'd been on drugs...heavily. The sight completely and utterly broke me into pieces, this was my mother.

"Is that your boyfriend?" She prompted, sensing how uncomfortable I was.

"Uh yeah," I paused turning back to see Carl standing a distance away. I motioned him to come over, I needed his emotional support desperately. "Do you remember Carl mom?" I asked as he came and joined us.

"Hi Miss Valentine." Carl smiled as he walked over to join us. I watched his face carefully but he kept a strong poker face. I was thankful.

"Of course I do, why do you think I was hanging around out here?" She laughed, "you were here more than your old home a few years ago."
I faked a sincere smile and looked to Carl for help, I was lost.

"Did you wanna join us for a coffee down the road?" Carl asked, this was definitely not what I expected him to say and I didn't know how I felt about it.

"I'd love to." She smiled looking to me for reassurance. I faked another smile and nodded.

"Let's go," I said, letting the emotions run through my body and just hoping I wouldn't pass out or cry.