Sexual Frustrations

25. Overthinking

After the emotional exchange at the top of that hill I was more than ready for part 2 of our day of fun. I just hoped it would be less emotional and deep. I didn't know how I felt about Carl other than the obvious sexual attraction and the last days had been messing with my head and his little confession and apology made it even worse. Now I knew he cared about me way more than I thought he did. Although I wasnt sure exactly how I felt about that. God why couldn't things just be simple

The drive to our next destination was much shorter and I guessed pretty quickly that it was the beach we were heading. What was it with this boy and making me swim unprepared.

"You could have told me to bring bathers." I sighed as we climbed into the car.

"Swimming isn't a necessity." He smirked. "Although it's highly encouraged."

"What are we doing then?" I humoured him.

"Picnic." He grinned pulling out a bag from the car and making his way across the sand. My heart was completely and utterly swollen.

...

Carl set us up with a blanket and plenty of food, he brought sandwiches, muffins, strawberries, pineapple, cucumber, chips, everything you could think of.  I was pretty impressed and completely surprised.

"Have to admit Gallagher I'm rather impressed." I praised him, sitting myself down on the blanket and digging into the fruit.

"What can I say?" He shrugged. "I'm a gentleman." Which was partly true. This whole day was just completely different than anything Carl had done for me before. Beautiful walks, picnics, amazing views, deep conversations. He was making my head spin, but I was secretly loving it.

"Can I ask why?" I had to. This whole day was so different to anything we'd done before. It felt almost romantic and sweet, whereas with Carl and I, the atmosphere was usually sexual or anger.

"Why what?" He shrugged.

"Why this whole day? Why the sweet gestures?" Part of me was nervous for his answer because I wasn't ready to think of Carl as anything other than my friend yet. Us re-developing a friendship was a huge step I didn't want to run before I could walk. Although I had been really enjoying the last few days and I was pretty scared of ruining it.

"Will you stop?" Carl sighed looking almost frustrated. My stomach dropped thinking maybe I just had ruined the day.

"Stop what?"

"Stop over thinking everything. Stop questioning everything and stressing. We kissed...a few times and now we're out doing fun things. That's the situation. Just leave it at that." He wasn't angry, I could tell my the tone in his voice. But he was definitely sensing the hesitation that I was feeling. He was completely right though, why would I not just enjoy the time we were spending together without worrying what it meant.

"You're right I'm sorry!" I sighed and his face brightened up again, he must've expected an argument which was highly likely but I needed to listen to him. I was ruining things for myself.

"Are you having fun?" He asked me.

"Yeah I am." I answered honestly and he smiled in response.

"Good, then just relax and stop overthinking. It's fine." He reassured me and I guess that was just going to have to be good enough for me.

...

We sat and ate and laughed and talked for what felt like hours. Sure, I struggled to not second guess everything he said, and analyse every gesture he made. But I was definitely making progress and that was a huge step for me. Maybe the barriers in mine and Carl's relationship stemmed from my inability to just enjoy moments without over analysing them. Maybe I just needed to stop contemplating what was going on between us and just do whatever made me happy.

"Going for a swim?" He winked at me and I couldn't ignore the feelings that stirred in me. Still after all this time, his face got me.

"I'd love to but I'm probably not going to strip down with all these people here. I don't think they'd appreciate the show." I laughed, last time our spontaneous swim was secluded, in that moment, we were on a very public beach.

"I'd appreciate it." He purred and placed a rough hand on my knee. I could feel his change in mood almost instantly, his eyes darker, his lips pouty, and my stomach erupting with butterflies. He leaned in towards me painfully slow and tauntingly and I thought I'd never breathe normally again.

"Carl..." I whispered.

"Stop overthinking." He said back and then finally his lips met mine.

The feeling of his soft lips pressed against mine stirred a whole bunch of feelings within me. His kiss was slow and barely there at first but as I kissed him back he grew desperate and needing. His hands gripped the back of my neck, keeping my lips pinned against his, and he held me there as though I was his last breath. I couldn't think of anything except how badly I wanted him right then and there and if I didn't pull away I probably would have ended up stripping on the beach. Maybe my inability to just enjoy a moment without over analysing had some benefits.

"I know I said I wouldn't overthink..." I had to speak quickly before he made me lose all train of thought again. "But I'm not sure if we should get hot and heavy at the beach." He laughed at my statement and I couldn't help but join in with him.

"You're right lets go."

We packed up the rest of the picnic and headed towards the car. The whole time my stomach riddled with nerves and excitement at where we'd be heading next.