Howell (danxreader)

Chapter 17

Another update because why the heck not?

*TRIGGER WARNING* detailed description of a panic attack and talks of suicide.

I got to the end of my street, vision completely blurred from my tears and my heart beat quickening, I fell to the ground just outside my house, unable to move anymore, my hands started to go numb, my heartbeat impossibly quick, my vision darkening and blurring, making everything look like it's strobing and going in slow motion, the muffled sounds of the streets around me sounding fake and mumbled, I didn't feel like I was in my body, I felt like I was looking at myself but couldn't feel it. I was having a panic attack, the worst panic attack I've ever had, I felt like I was slowly going insane, like I'd never be normal again.
How did one boy do this too me? How did some words make this happen? Why is this my bodies way of reacting? Why me?
I never felt as alone as I did in that moment, sat on the driveway of my house, feeling like someone overlooking my body, I never felt so worthless and unimportant, I never felt so empty.
It's all my fault, I trusted him, he's hurt me before I trusted him, again. I'm such an idiot, I'm so stupid, I deserve this, I deserve to feel so alone because I was, I didn't have my family, I had no friends, I had no one, not even myself anymore.
I could end the pain, there is only one way. The blade can be my friend, my only friend, once again, turning to the blade. Cutting away the pain, but when the pain is in my brain and my heart, the only way to cut it out would be to end my life, take it all away, make everyone's life better and leave, it's what they want.
Like Dan said, no one loves me, no one cares, I'm not needed, I'm....
I heard footsteps, fast footsteps, but they sounded so muffled I wasn't sure they were real,
"Y/N?" They got closer, but somehow sounded further away, I felt a light feeling on my shoulders and a darker blur appearing in front of me "shit y/n, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, it's okay, your going to be okay, you need to be, y/n, can you hear me?" I can hear you, I just can't say it, the feeling on my shoulders got tighter and was around all of me, a hug? Why would someone hug me? No one cares.
I was starting to get the feeling back in my fingers, the sounds not as muffled. Sirens, I could hear sirens. I looked up and saw Dan hugging me close, whispering words that I couldn't understand, all I could make out was the blood on his head. Why was he bleeding?
The sirens came to a stop and more footsteps came towards me, before my body because too weak and everything went black.

Ahh cliffhangers, don't you just hate me?