Save You (Lashton AU)

Chapter 27

Ashton's POV

"He has cancer"

That sentence has been replaying millions of times in my head for nearly 4 hours now. I couldn't cry, I didn't want to believe it. I woke up in the waiting room at the hospital and I don't think I've ever wanted to stay asleep forever in my life, because waking up wasn't an option I wanted to take.

Calum, Michael, and Luke's family took up the whole waiting room. Calum kept pacing around and Michael tried everything to calm him down but it wasn't working. Liz was crying hysterically, along with Ben. Jack stood in the corner, eyes fixated on the floor, he couldn't move and I don't think I could either.

They told me what I didn't want to hear.

They explained everything I tried to ignore and deny, but everything became so much more real and true when the doctor called Liz to see Luke in the room. I couldn't stay there any longer so I left and no one noticed since they were all in complete shock. I didn't know where I was going at first but I found myself in the forest for the third time in my life, but this time alone.

I don't know why my feet pushed me here but I kept looking at the floor till the trees consumed me whole. I stopped when I heard light crunching noises from afar, and let my head hang low as I felt presence.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and the figure walked in front of me. I looked up, seeing Michael with tears in his eyes and wet cheeks. My lip trembled and he nodded slowly, it didn't mean anything but that slight nod of head just proved it all.

My face collided with his chest and he immediately let his arms lace around me, he rubbed my back soothingly and swayed from side to side a little.

"It's not fair" I mumbled but he shushed me and kept the embrace tight. It seemed like we were in the same position for hours and I reluctantly let him take me back to the road. His car was terribly parked on the side and I shivered at the cold wind. Michael took notice and shrugged off his jacket, handing it to me. I took it and wrapped it around myself, getting in the toasty car.

He wanted to take me back to hospital but I refused to. I didn't want to see everyone crying. I'm a whimp, I can't handle things like that. I felt so sick inside, I couldn't believe I had let it all slide for so long and not realizing it was something serious until it was too late. What does that make me? A horrible boyfriend and person. Knowing I could have prevented it puts me as fault, who knows what would have happened if I didn't call my two friends over.

Michael dropped me off at our house and wanted to stay with me but I shook my head, convincing him that I'll be okay which wasn't exactly true. I went straight into the bathroom and slid down the wall to the floor. My elbow hit something that was sitting in the edge of the tub, it sounded like a penny falling but when I turned to look at it I saw one of my worst enemies.

It was Luke's shaver staring right at me, the metal part was glistening under the bathroom light and I picked it up, investigating it like it was a new object to me, even if I knew every shape and bump on it. I looked at my faded scars across my wrist and my fingers brushed over my fabric covered thighs. I shook my head and threw it to the wall.

I couldn't let all these months slip away just like that, I had to be strong, for the sake of myself and Luke. He's the one going through a terrible time, I can't help him when I can't help myself. I scratched my wrist instead. I didn't cause any scratches or bleeding, it was just itchy.

I pulled my feet up to my chest and looked at the cold tiled floor beneath me. Why do the bad things happen to the best people? Life isn't fair to anyone and I hate it so much. Just when I thought everything was going so well it all turned down the road to despair once again.

I breathed slowly and shook my head as my terrible voices began to come back, "He's going to leave you too" they kept saying. I tried my best to ignore it but it went straight into my brain and heart.

It repeated over and over again and I yelled, kicked and destroyed the bathroom for it to stop but it didn't. They weren't right, Luke was going to make it through this because he's a strong human being. Although the doctor had said there was no way they can help him, I still had hope. It wasn't much, but it was there and that's all that really mattered.

I didn't mean to sleep in the bathroom that night but I did anyways, I didn't want to leave this room just yet. The house felt vacant and sad, it wasn't the same without Luke here. It's like I lost him a month ago because once he got sick, everything changed. He wasn't the happy, positive person I bumped into the record shop all those months ago, or the lovey person he was on our date. He was dying slowly in my arms and that may sound beautiful but it's not. Absolutely not. Because I had let it slide.

I wanted to go see him but I couldn't bring myself to go. I remember being in that bed with cords stuck from everywhere in my body to a stupid machine and I remember the way that bed felt. I didn't want to see him like that; in pain and suffering. Maybe he wasn't even awake yet, he wasn't when I last saw him.

I don't remember how I ended up in the living room couch the next morning, but when I heard Calum and Michael talking quietly in the kitchen, it answered my question. I stirred and they came to my side almost immediately, making me grimace at how close they were to me.

"Are you alright?" Calum asked and I nodded even though I clearly wasn't. My boyfriend has cancer, how can anyone be okay with that?

He patted my back and said softly, "It's going to be okay. He's strong, he can push through it"

His voice shook a little and it was because he wasn't sure either. He was trying to convince himself instead of me; we didn't know. It was just a matter of time we can loose someone so close to us, we just didn't know when.

**

A/N: I updated faster than I had expected. Here's an update of how Ashtons doing. Sorry there wasn't much dialogue. I'm already writing the next chapter, which should be longer.

Have a good day/night/afternoon, goodbye.. x