The 1975 // A change in heart

Chapter Twenty-Nine || The love they loved

Date: December 31st

Location: Ubud, Bali

When we woke up he was different.

He wasn't in bed, instead sitting outside on our porch in the villa we rented drinking a cup of tea and staring up at the sun rising. It was early in the morning and he looked deep in thought and peaceful.

When I called out his name he didn't look back at me instead exhaled and set down his mug next to him. His knees where pulled up to his chest and his curly black hair was tied up into a messy bun. Finally he turned around.

"Morning" he said and his voice sounded hoarse like he'd been screaming at one point.

"You okay?" I asked because something felt off. The universe was still moving but there wasn't something right about his own movements.

"Just enjoying it all" he said nodding his head then turned back around and exhaled again.

I sat up some more beginning to tie my hair back. We had been here for three days and I was in love with it even more than I was the first time I came. This time was different though.

This time Matty was here. This time instead of me staying in a three star hotel we had a villa right next to the most gorgeous scenery I had ever experienced and this time instead of me spending my nights drinking myself to an early death we explored this cute little place.

It was our last night here though.

Our year was coming to an end.

"Are you hungry? We can have waffles today or-"

"I'm not" he said swiftly then stood up and came inside. "When I was a kid Abigail I watched my parents destroy each other because of the lies they told"

"Matty" I said softly. There was something wrong with him.

He shook his head. "I told you this. I lied to you and ruined our relationship but you found it in your heart to forgive me. To love me despite all I did. So I owe you the decency of trying to understand your actions and the reasons behind why you have lied to me"

"What have I-"

"Don't!" He screamed. "Don't play dumb. Please Abigail because I am trying to be patient with you and I am trying to understand how you could do this to me"

"I seriously don't-"

"That box I gave you—the box that you still haven't opened because you are you—inside that box is something that means the world to me. My all is inside that box. The vulnerability I show you and only you is inside that box Abigail. All I have is inside of there. Do you understand? I am giving you all I have because this time around was supposed to be different. We are supposed to change Abigail" he expressed with his eyes getting glossy.

I knew what this was about. I knew because his hand was shaking. I knew because he's Matty and I'm Abigail. We lie to each other till it all explodes in our face and this was that exact moment.

"Who told you?" Was all I could say.

He laughed shaking his head. "You brought me here why? So we could share this moment together? Does it matter Abigail, does it truly matter who told me what you managed to keep from me for months?"

I shook my head. "Matty you-"

"You told George. Isis. Hector. William. For fucks sake even Jamie knew!" He screamed at the very end. "You trusted everyone else but me, we were supposed to share a life together and you managed to tell everyone-"