three days | jikook✧| COMPLETED

9,

September 23rd
11:50am

" jm's pov "

My mind was filled with miles and miles of unnecessary thoughts, that kept me up for three weeks straight.
I mean what's worse then completely giving up on something that once made you happy.
Jungkook was not one of those things, but our love was.
At least what was left of it.

Today in particular was an extremely hard day for me.
I loathed storms, rainy weather but mostly the humid air.
On days like this one, I used to always lose the will do to anything, but since I lost my will for everything a long time ago, today was extra hard for me.
I didn't get out of bed the whole day and the only time I did was when I had to go to the bathroom or get myself a drink.

I normally didn't drink, but when I did, I drank a lot. I drank to the point where I would even forget my own name. I know pathetic, but that's how I coped with hard situations.
That's how I escaped moments like yesterday and the day before yesterday.

I might be the loser in this game called life, but at least I admit it. I know I'm a loser and a weak person and I've always been like that.

Nobody came to visit me that day.

It's not like I expected them to, I specifically told them to leave me alone for a few days and I guess they respected my decision.

Namjoon hyung on the other hand was not having it. He insisted on them visiting me, but Yoongi hyung and Jin hyung convinced him to leave me alone for those few days.

Taehyung was there the whole time, but he seemed absent, as if he was somewhere else with his mind and I wouldn't blame him. He already had enough on his plate and I didn't wanna pressure him.

I didn't wanna pressure anyone because I didn't want them to care about my stupid love problems.

For god's sake, I was twenty two years old and yet I still went to my hyungs for love advice and how I should deal with an argument, but like I said earlier, I was indeed a very weak person, whichever way you looked at it.

I lazily shook the half empty alcohol bottle in my hands and chugged the whole thing in one go.
The horrible taste burned my tastebuds as well as my already sore throat.
I placed the now empty bottle next to the other four empty bottles.

By the third bottle I was already starting to get drunk, but I wanted to get to the point where I could've stabbed myself and I wouldn't feel any pain.
I wanted to get to that point even though it was logically and scientifically impossible, but I was stubborn and I believed that I could win against the disgusting beverage.

Silly me, I always believed I could win against everything, but I guess the argument with Jungkook thought otherwise.

I blinked several times, since my eyesight was getting blurry.
Alcohol wasn't the reason for it, but my thoughts were.

What I was feeling at that exact moment, was something unexplainable.
I felt rage, anger and betrayal, but at the same time I felt sadness, guilt and regret.
Alcohol didn't just fuck up my insides, but it also fucked up my feelings and I was okay with it.
As long as I didn't let them get to me, I was going to be fine and as long as it kept the thought of Jungkook away, I was going to be fine.

I had to be fine.

•*~ффФфф~*•

laugh;